The “Dick Move” of Email Marketers

 

Let me tell you a little tale.

Once upon a time, there lived a little old lady named Hazel.

Hazel lived in a tiny apartment in Orlando, Florida with her kitty cat she called Tony.

One sweltering hot summer’s day, dear old Hazel discovered that her old AC unit was broken and beyond repair, so she called an AC company for some advice on what type of AC unit she should buy. The Air conditioning company sent out one of their sales reps to see her asap.

Twenty minutes later, the sales rep was thumping on Hazel’s front door.

Hazel opened the front door and in barged the salesman. Before Hazel could even say Hi, the sales rep launched straight into his spiel:

I’m from Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning company. Our company provides a wide variety of HVAC and air conditioning service, maintenance, and installation solutions.” The salesman then stuffed his company’s catalog into her little old hand, and said: “To find out more, read that.” And before the little old lady could ask a question, he walked out the front door and left little old Hazel standing there totally dumbfounded.

That’s right; the sales rep just disappeared like a fart in the wind.

Now, of course, that was a fictional story, but could you imagine a salesperson being such a dick in real life?

Well, guess what?

That type of “dickish” behavior is rife in email marketing.

In fact, that little tale perfectly illustrates the typical promotional email.

You see, most email marketers are just like that sales rep. Meaning, they show no regard for the prospect and care only about getting the reader to click on their spammy, obnoxious links.

To me, that’s no different from a sales rep stuffing a sales catalog into a prospect’s hand and then walking away.

Look, my point is this:

You shouldn’t rely on the “click” (your sales page) to sell your product or service any more than a sales rep should rely on his catalog to do all the selling.

YOU do the selling, dammit!

Yeah, I know you have a fancy sales page with a compelling sales pitch, but that should be given after YOU have built some rapport with your subscribers. Your email link should be offered as you sign off the email, just like a sales rep should leave a prospect with a catalog after they have finished interacting (connecting) with the prospect.

But alas, the typical biz owner’s promotional email has no greeting, no small talk, no asking the prospect questions, no human connection, no acknowledging the subscriber, no personality. None of that. Just a cold, generic sales pitch that has all the warmth and sincerity of drug dealer peddling heroin on a street corner.

Look, call me old-fashioned, but I like to approach email marketing like those good ol door-to-door salesman from the 50’s approached selling.

You know, those honest and likeable salesmen who would say the right thing to get inside the prospect’s house, and then once inside, they would charm the heck out of the housewife and ask her exactly what she wanted out of the product before asking for the sale.

In other words, they used good-old-fashioned salesmanship with a heart full of courage and integrity.

Okay, Kelvin, I hear what you’re saying, but how do I go about writing emails that build this type of rapport and connection with my subscribers. Do you have a product that explains how to do that?

You bet your sweet patootie I do!

You can check it out here: The Maverick’s Email Playbook

It’ll show ya how to write warm-blooded emails that produce righteous sales without resorting to sleazy tricks and gimmicks taught by the money-grubbing “internet marketing gurus” who prey on the desperate and clueless.

Well anyways, that’s all I got today.

Hey, do ya wanna hear a joke before I sign off?

Huh?

You say only if it’s a good one?

Geez, you’re a tough one.

Look, check it out below, and I’ll chat with ya soon.

Joke:

The Devil tells an internet marketer, “Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any internet marketer alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest internet marketer that ever lived.”

“Well,” says the marketer, “what do I have to do in return?”

The Devil smiles, “Well, of course you have to give me your soul,” he says, “but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”

“Wait a minute,” the internet marketer says cautiously, “What’s the catch?”

 

 

Kelvin

Email Marketing Maverick