Let These Folk On Your List And You’ll Wanna Hang Yourself!

“I fear it as little as to drink a cup of tea” ~ Ned Kelly

 

That was Ned Kelly’s response when asked “Are you afraid to die?”, right before he was going to be hanged.

As you can see, it wasn’t just Ned Kelly’s head protection that was made out of steel.

Now, on the topic of being afraid…

…Many a marketer has failed miserably at email marketing because of fear.

A common fear that keeps them writing lame, vapid emails is this:

The fear of offending their subscribers.

I don’t fear offending subscribers, I LOVE it.

It’s sport to me.

It’s what makes email marketing fun.

Listen, you should purposefully offend subscribers.

Hmm.

I’m sensing bad vibes from you right now, maybe I should explain myself.

I wouldn’t want to offend you now, would I?

But Kelvin, you just finished saying…

..HEY!

I know it seems like I’m making as much sense as a circular firing squad, but…

…that’s because as much as I love offending subscribers, I also love confusing them.

But don’t worry, I won’t leave you confused Pookie, it’s merely an attention keeping tactic I like to employ.

Listen:

When I say offend subscribers, I’m not talking about offending YOU, or any other good hearted and intelligent subscriber of mine.

No sir.

I’m talking about offending the few loser subscribers that somehow find their sorry way onto my list.

You know the ones? – the tire kickers, lookie loo’s, freebie hunters, the “do nothings”, and people who are so uptight that if you stuck a lump of coal up their bum, after 1 week you’d have a diamond.

Hmm, maybe that’s what these pitiful folk should do.

It’s probably their best chance of making any money.

Anyway, are you picking up what I’m putting down?

Trust me, you don’t want these losers on your list.

They’ll put pain in your brain.

You must offend them.

Then offend them again.

Then offend them some more.

Offend Them And Their Evil Ways Right Off Your Righteous List!

And remember, offending these muppets isn’t scary, it’s fun.

It’s almost as fun as making sales.

I said almost. 

Try it, you’ll see.

Oh yeah, before you go, I have a little offer for you.

Wanna see it?

You do?

Then go hither:

Here’s my offer

 

Kelvin Dorsey ~ Email Marketing Maverick