Everyone loves koala bears, don’t they?
It seems that every big celebrity who comes to Australia wants to get a photo taken of themselves cuddling a koala bear.
This amuses me.
Let me tell you something: you’ll never see ME holding one of those little critters.
That’s for certain.
But Kelvin, koalas are cute, furry little bears that epitomize innocence, right?
WRONG!
They are not the squeaky clean, innocuous little bears you think they are.
What’s the scoop on koala bears?
Are you sure you wanna know?
Remember how disappointed the fans of Tiger Woods became when his serial-cheating ways were exposed in 2009?
Well, I suspect you’ll have a similar response when I reveal to you the REAL nature of the koala bear.
Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
Here’s what the seemingly innocent koala bear is really like:
The koala bear has more sex in one week than Wilt Chamberlain had in his entire NBA career, gets in more fights than a loudmouth jerk at a biker bar, and takes more drugs than Charlie Sheen during his “Tiger blood” meltdown period.
I’m not even exaggerating.
It really is true.
People find this hard to believe because they only ever see koalas sleeping in a tree. But don’t be fooled.
That cute, little ball of grey fur you see sleeping in a tree is recovering from an all-night orgy and a night of fighting.
Yes, it’s true that koalas sleep all day. In fact, they spend 20 hours out of every 24 hours asleep. However, it’s what they get up to in those 4 hours that reveals the true nature of the koala bear.
In those 4 hours, they are getting drugged out of their little minds from all the toxins in the eucalyptus leaves they woof down. And when they’re not stuffing their greedy little mouths full of leaves, the males, in a drugged stupor, are beating the crap out of each other.
But this is no ordinary bar fighting.
No way.
These vicious little bears fight dirty.
Koalas have razor sharp teeth and claws, and they ain’t afraid to use them.
Why all the fighting?
Simple:
These sex-crazed male koalas are fighting over the laydees.
Which is strange because the female koala ain’t a “choosey lover” by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, the female koala is a real hoochie, which of course explains all that chlamydia.
I can hear some of you now: “I didn’t sign up to your newsletter to hear you go on about sleazy, Australian marsupials…I want sales and marketing advice!”
Worry not, my little marketing crony, I’m about to lay it on you.
Listen:
The koala bear reminds me of social media sites that the average online marketer is totally enamored with.
You know, there are many parallels between koala bears and social media sites.
Here are just a few of those parallels:
(1) They are both loved by everyone – especially by celebrities.
(2) They both seem great at first glance but upon closer inspection, they’re not so great.
(3) They both leave you wanting to take a shower.
(4) They are both hard to make money from.
O.K., so I forced that last one.
So sue me.
Look, the point of this whole email is this:
When it comes to selling your wares online, social media has become the “koala” of the e-commerce world.
I get it: social media marketing looks good, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when you get likes and comments on your posts, but at the end of the business day, did you make any sales?
That’s the question, isn’t it?
Truth is, when it comes to increasing business profits with social media, most business owners are making fewer sales than an Amish electrical goods store.
Listen, if you’re trying to make sales on social media, you’d better be tough.
Why?
Well, as John Wayne once said, “If you’re gonna be stupid, you’d better be tough.”
Am I saying selling on social media is stupid?
Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Look, if you’re hellbent on using social media, here’s what I recommend you do:
Every ad, post or conversation you have on social media should have one objection: get them (prospects) off of the social media platform and take them to your website.
Why?
It’s simple: You wanna get them to optin to your email newsletter so you can talk to them whenever you want.
Email is something YOU control. YOU set the terms of engagement.
That’s right. With email, you aren’t beholden to the “Zuckerbergs” of the world, and you don’t have to worry about algorithm changes, and….
…if people willingly signed up to your newsletter…
…They Are a Qualified Prospect!
And…you get multiple chances to sell them on your product or service.
Are you starting to see how much better a platform email is to sell with?
I’ll put it this way:
Selling on social media is the equivalent of a street hawker harassing prospects in public, whereas selling via email is the equivalent of a one on one conversation between a business owner and a prospect over a game of golf.
Yup, you can either hawk your wares on the street (social media marketing) or you can talk business with a prospect over a game of golf (email marketing).
The choice is yours.
Personally, I’d rather sell all my possessions and go live in the bush with the koalas than use social media to make sales.
But that’s just me.
Well anyway, that’s all I got today.
If you want to know how to sell your product or service with email, then scoot here: Email Playbook
Kelvin
Email Marketing Maverick
P.S. I’m not convinced I effectively got my message across to you today. You know, about the importance of selling your product or service on a platform you own – like your own website or your own email list.
To remedy this, I shall now end with a sentence which, I believe, will drive home the point I so sloppily made in this email.
Here it is: You can’t freely pitch if you’re someone else’s bitch!
Was that clearer?
P.S.S. Want to know how to turn your subscribers into customers? Then proceed here: The Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet
