Free Access to Kelvin’s Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet and 10 Minute Copy Speed Course

An Idiot Savant’s Secret To Writing Metaphors

Dear subscriber,

Regarding rhetoric and poetics…

Aristotle once said this:

“The greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor. It is the mark of genius.”

If that’s true…

… I must be a freakin’ super genius (some would say an idiot savant) because I can write those suckers in my deepest REM sleep.

I may only have a high school diploma, but I have a doctorate thesis in metaphors.

But there’s no secret to writing good metaphors, right?

Ah, you be wrong, Jimmy.

There is a secret.

I’ll reveal it right now! The secret to writing good metaphors is…

… To Write LOTS of Bad
Ones First!

I know, as far as secrets go… that one really sucks. Yup, it’s the same old boring secret: practice, my boy, practice!

Legendary cartoonist Chuck Jones said something similar:

“Every artist has thousands of bad drawings in them and the only way to get rid of them is to draw them out.”

Truth.

Now, I’m gonna let you in on another secret. The secret to quickly getting to the good metaphors is to write every single day.

Now for some full disclosure:

I can’t make claim to writing every single day. I take days off. But I write most days. The only writer I know who can truly make the claim of writing every single day is Stephen King. Mr. King religiously writes 1,000 words every single day.

No days off.

Not ever.

Not for any reason.

King would miss his own mother’s funeral to fulfill his 1,000 words quota. King has an almost sickening work ethic, indeed. The only days he missed his 1,000-word quota was when he was lying unconscious in a hospital bed after being hit by a van. That’s a small clue as to why King’s one of the most successful writers in history. You get what you deserve in life, not what you want. And King deserves all the success he’s now enjoying.

But I digress.

Now listen, when you write every day, you’ll be surprised how quickly you get through all the bad metaphors and get to the good ones.

Now, if you want to know my secrets for coming up with engaging analogies, metaphors, jokes, and similes… then you’ll dig pages 57-83 from my Email Playbook. In this section, I give you a step-by-step guide to do just that.

You see, after many years of studying the world’s best comedians, TV sitcom writers, movie screenwriters, and satirists, I realized something:

There is a pattern, a template, a technique for coming up with analogies, metaphors, and jokes.

Well, all those templates are tucked inside my Email Playbook. If you’re interested, you can check it out here: https://kelvindorsey.com/email-mavericks-playbook/

Your friend,

Kelvin

Email Marketing maverick

Hey, Kelvin, do you have any copywriting products?

Aha…I thought you’d never ask.

I sure do.

However, they are very expensive, and if you’ve just stumbled onto my website and don’t know me from a can of paint, you’d be nuts to buy any of my products. After all, I could be a complete copywriting novice dressed up in guru clothing. Hell, the internet has no shortage of those.

Listen: I believe you should put someone’s content to the test before shelling out your hard earned. Know this: I want to help you drag in more sales for your business before you even think about giving me a single penny.

And that, dear website visitor, is why all my new subscribers get the following two perks:

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #1 - The 10-Minute Copywritng Speed Course

Fast-track your way to writing persuasive sales copy. I’m talking about copy that stomps on peoples’ greed glands while sounding credible and believable. Not easy to do. That’s why I created the 10-minute copywriting speed course. (You’re welcome)

I don’t care if you’re a sniveling beginner or a grizzled veteran, this will help you write copy that opens both minds and wallets!

FACT: most people suck at writing promotional emails...

And yet… people still seem to make email marketing profitable – lame email copy and all.

Even the most clueless of business owners who add email to their marketing arsenal will see an increase in business.

Email, dear website visitor, is a very forgiving marketing medium. And therein lies a golden opportunity. If you learn just a little email copy (as opposed to normal copywriting – yes…there’s a difference), you can truly work wonders with email marketing. Look, I could wax lyrical about email copy all day long, but let me get straight to the point:

Email and sales go together like drunk and disorderly, and…I want to prove to you how easy it is to write emails people love to read and buy from. The notion that you need to be well versed in direct response marketing and be a certified copywriting pro is just beautiful nonsense. Not saying that won’t help… of course it’d help. What I am saying is that email is a very different animal, thus, you can get away with not possessing a lick of copywriting knowledge. If you’re serious about boosting your business’s sales, you’re gonna love perk #2 …

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #2 - The Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet

Don’t let their simplicity fool you. These 17 email “types” are shockingly effective for selling products and services.

"Kelvin has always given outstanding ways of improving your email marketing responses with proven mind blowing tips and secrets."

"Kelvin cuts through the crap. What he teaches just makes sense."

"This Maverick guy is oh so different. Kinda crazy in a delightful (and profitable) way! He is the one Goo-Ruu who really gets it . . . when it comes to the psychology of sales, he routinely hits it out of the park ! I use his insights in my retail sales job, which has surprisingly elevated me to making Honda’s "Counsel of Sales Leaders" two years in a row !

"Kevin offers great tips and advice... I have truly enjoyed his book and emails... it has helped me tremendously..."

"Kelvin Dorsey is the REAL DEAL."

"Get ready for some "Ah Ha" moments all throughout Kelvin's writings."

"Daily gems kept me interested and reinforced some things that needed reinforcing."

"Best money I’ve invested in my business online in 10 years."

"Kelvin Dorsey is crazy. That’s why I like him."

"Kelvin is the real deal. If you want to learn about copywriting and building a business that draws your ideal person to you, then you need to read his stuff."

"The way Kelvin writes his content, you will be literally laughing out loud!"

"If I can learn to write half this good I'll be eating shrimp from the Barbie every night!!!"

"His stories are very effective."

"Kelvin reveals all of the tricks and "secrets" of the salesman's trade without resorting to dishonesty."

"Great example of what a good marketer does best, sell himself. Hip and a little crude but entertaining information."

"Kelvin knows what he is talking about. His content has helped me sharpen my copywriting skills, email marketing skills, and speaking skills. Yes, speaking skills!"

"You will learn a lot."

"Kelvin provides extraordinary insight into successful online marketing."