Kelvin's Semi-FAMOUS Newsletter

First an important caveat:

Harvard, the Navy Seals, NASA, and the NBA don’t just let anyone with a pulse and a dream join their elite ranks, and I’m no different.

In other words:

Having an email address and a business dream does not qualify you to sign up for this newsletter any more than owning a bicycle qualifies you for the Tour de France.

OK. Let’s get to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

Are you a 6,7, or 8-figure earner?

If you’re not in that boat, I wish you all the best (I really do), but this newsletter is not your port of call.

If you are a 6, 7, or 8-figure earner, I invite you to read on.

Now, let’s face it, most knowledge-based content online today caters to the beginner and the intermediate, but what about those who are already established and successful in their chosen field? Should they be ignored and not catered for?

I Say Thee NAY!

Winners need lovin’ too, I say. 

And that’s where I come in, armed with my special (some would say strange) brand of knowledge.

Hey there! My name is Kelvin Dorsey. I help high-achieving entrepreneurs, business leaders, copywriters, and digital marketers in the following seven areas: (1) sales (2) persuasion (3) copywriting (4) human nature (5) dating (6) psychology, and (7) communication

If you truly are a 6, 7, or 8-figure earner (you wouldn’t lie to me, would you?), I’m sure you’ll agree that if you improve those seven areas, your life and business can only get better. Conversely, if you’re weak in any of those areas, they will surely hold you back from reaching new heights of success.

Now, you being a 6,7, or 8-figure earner is good.

It’s very, VERY good!

It proves you’re an action-taker. I mean, nobody just starts earning, 6, 7, or 8-figures by accident, right? It takes grit, gumption, and properly working brain cells.

That all said…

... It's No Green Light to Sign
Up For This Newsletter!

It’s merely the first qualifier.

There are six more qualifiers, my friend. They are as follows:

Qualifier the second:

You must have a sense of humor. I realize that sounds like a strange qualifier, but if you can’t laugh at yourself or you’re wound up so tight you squeak when you walk, then trust me, you ain’t gonna jive with this newsletter. The humor-impaired and my newsletter are like Motley Crue and hotel rooms – not a good mix. Yup, if you read my emails without a sense of humor, you’ll end up more triggered than the smoke alarms in Snoop Dogg’s house. I know I’m beating this point like Joe Jackson when one of his kids forgot the dance choreography, but I take the qualifying process very seriously.

I have spoken!

Qualifier the third:

You must be open-minded. I’m not talking so open-minded your brain falls out. No. I’m talking about having the ability to put aside your own personal tastes and beliefs when it comes to learning. Here’s a little litmus test: Are you someone who could learn from Mother Teresa AND Genghis Khan?

Think about that for a second.

There – a quick reflection is good.

Now hear this: I have learned as much from Hugh Hefner about marketing and business as I have from megachurch preacher Joel Osteen. If you can’t do the same, once again, this newsletter ain’t for you.

I dare say that thinned the herd a goodly amount.

Qualifier the fourth:

You must like straight talk. Listen, if raw and unsanitized communication that pays no mind to political correctness offends your sensibilities, then, once again, this newsletter is not for you.

Qualifier the fifth:

You must have at least a few ounces of “dissidence” in your blood. Let me lay it out for you in simple chapter and verse: if you’re a complete stickler for the rules and stepping outside rigidly defined best practices makes your butt pucker, once again, this ain’t your newsletter. You see, “best practices” have never been front and center of anything I do. In fact, I loathe best practices and I spit on conventional thinking.

But don’t think for a nano-second that I don’t appreciate the principles and fundamentals. Principles and fundamentals are unchanging and they are the bedrock of my entire business. I love the fundamentals more than old people love game shows. If you can’t say the same, I appreciate you reading this far, but this is your exit ramp, Chi-Chi.

Qualifier the sixth:

You must be a reader. And no, reading Facebook posts and Tweets does not make you a reader any more than watching fireworks makes you an astronomer, okay?

Listen, if you get bored halfway through reading a fortune cookie because your attention span is shorter than Bruno Mars doing the limbo, then please, don’t waste your time subscribing to this newsletter.

Ah, who am I kiddin’? The non-readers have already stopped reading. Whatever.

Probably a fact: The only thing with a steeper decline than the Eiger in the Swiss Alps is the reading habits of people in first-world countries. You know, I heard that Bill Cosby, during recent years (before his conviction), stopped spiking women’s drinks and got them to read a book instead. Apparently, it had the same effect.

It’s just a rumor.

Point is, if you are a reader, this is all good news! I mean, with the average person being addicted to their smartphone and so few people reading today, it’s never been easier to gain an edge in business and in life. But of course, it depends on what you read. Welp, I gotcha covered in that department.

Ah, look at you, still reading! I’m impressed.

But don’t break out the bubbly just yet, my friend. This next qualifier is what really separates the contenders from the pretenders.

Qualification the seventh:

You must value substance over style. You know, I don’t give a monkey’s chuff if what I learn comes from a shiny hardcover book or from the back of a beer-stained napkin. I also don’t care how big a book or course is. Actually, I lie. I do care. Truth is, I’d much rather pay $1000 bucks for a few pages of real info than pay a bargain price for a 500-page book or a ten-video online course, or attend a 4-day seminar. In my experience, the bigger the book, course, or seminar, the more filler it will contain. My motto is, “Gimme the real info, and give it to me quick!

Bottom line: If you judge the value of information by its appearance or size, I’m sorry, but that’s a straight-up disqualifier.

Well, that’s it for the qualifiers.

Now hear me:

If you can put your hand on your heart and honestly say you qualify to subscribe to this newsletter, then you have my full-throated endorsement.