COMMANDMENTS

THE GOSPEL OF EMAIL COPYWRITING
ACCORDING TO KELVIN

Dear reader,

I’m going to assume two things about you.

Assumption the first:

I’m assuming you have a proven product or service to sell. In other words, there is proof that other people (lots of other people) are already spending their hard-earned on what you sell.

Assumption the second:

I’m assuming you are successfully building an email list of qualified subscribers who want (not need, but want) what you’re selling. For example, if you’re selling steak, then you are successfully attracting all the salivating meat eaters and repelling all the weak and feeble vegetarians. (I’m a little biased, sure)

If for any reason you do not currently have those two foundations in place, I kindly suggest you stop reading this now and go and establish those two foundations.

Why so?

Here’s the why so of it:

Because none of the following commandments will do you a lick of good without the said two elements in place. Those two elements are the foundation, the bedrock, the very heart and soul of email marketing. Trying to make email marketing profitable without them in place is like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end.

Trust me, Freckles, if you try and skip those two crucial elements, you’ll be working harder than an ugly stripper… and making less money.

I have spoken.

Now, if thou art qualified, I cordially invite you to read on.

***

First, an important preface: 

Please reread the title of what you’re fixin’ to read. See the “C” word? No… the other one. Yes, that one! This content is not just a bunch of good ideas or suggestions. Nossiree! They are commandments. You should treat them as if God himself were whispering them into your ear, okay?

Your response to that query should be a resounding “Sir, yes, sir!”

Am I being too subtle?

Look, rigid obedience to these rules is all to your benefit.

You see, if you diligently obey these 43 commandments…

… Thou Shalt Truly Kicketh Arse
and Profit Handsomely!

Alright, enough throat clearing already. 

I herewith present the following 43 commandments to writing profitable email copywriting.

1. Don’t Wing it, Ding-a-Ling

Before you place your sticky digits on your keyboard, know exactly what you want to say. Most business owners have nothing to say and they keep on saying it. 

It’s real problem.

Sure, you can write a promotional email by guess or by gosh, but that’s what amateurs do. If you want amateur results, by all means, wing it. But if you want to leave the bush league of email marketing and enter the big league, then plan what you want to say.

Sadly, planning is like eating spinach – everyone knows it’s beneficial but nobody does it.

However, if you obey the following instructions on planning your promotional emails, heck, I’d wager that once you see its benefits, you’ll never write another promotional email without planning again.

O.K.

The details: Now, I could get cute and throw clever sayings at you like “The longer the think, the quicker the ink”, but I will spare you the quips. Look, just sit your arse down for 5-minutes and write down a quick outline of what you want to say. Don’t overthink it. If you’re one of those types who has to “plan to make a plan” and is always “getting ready to get ready”, knock that crap off now! Trust me on this, you’ll be shocked at how quick and easy writing becomes if you heed this commandment. The benefit of taking 5-minutes to plan your email is twofold: (1) It will kick writer’s block right in the nuts, and (2) words will start to flow like F-bombs from Gordon Ramsay’s lips.

2. Obey ‘The Rule of One’

Have ONE clear, concise, core message per email.

Listen, a quirk in the Homo Sapiens’ brains is this: it only retains concepts or ideas that aren’t mixed with other ideas and concepts.

That’s right, the human brain deals with ideas and concepts the way a food server at a prison chow hall serves inmates – one at a time.

The human brain and a convoluted message are like Keith Moon and hotels – not a good mix.

If you want your subscribers to remember what you say (write), then keep it pure and unadulterated.

You know, whoever said “If you say three things, you say nothing”, is 100% correct.

I repeat: Have ONE  clear, concise, core message.

Comprendo?

However… there’s a Ben Hur-sized caveat:

You must say that one thing with impact. More on that later.

***

BONUS: The “rule of one” goes for selling, too. If you wanna perk up your sales conversion rate, sell one thing at a time.

3. Use The “Zuckerberg” Salutation

How you greet your subscribers is up to you.

“Hello”. I wouldn’t recommend it…

“Greetings”. Not bad…

“Good morning”. Not a good idea if you’re international…

But whatever it is you choose, stick with it. I mean use that salutation every single time.

I do. My salutation is as followers: “Dear subscriber… “

Why do I use that every single time?

I do it for the same reason a dog licks its balls – because I can!

Too grossomundo? Okay, here’s a more dignified reason: I use the same salutation every single time for the same reason Mark Zuckerberg wears the same outfit every day – it’s one less thing to think about. Listen, writing promotional emails is hard enough without trying to think of what salutation to use.

Mental Bandwidth is finite… don’t waste it on the trivial.

Same salutation…

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

4. Make Yer Intros Snappy, Jack!

Let’s define the word “snappy”, shall we?

I don’t want to insult your intelligence (that means talking to someone as if they’re a complete dummy), but I need to make sure we are on the same bill of lading.

Snappy means: concise, succinct, memorable, clever, and crisp, okay?

Now, burn this into your brain:

People barely read today. Do you get that?

The only thing that has a steeper decline than Mount Everest is the reading habits of people in first-world countries. And, no…. reading Facebook posts and Tweets does not make you a reader any more than watching fireworks makes you an astronomer, okay?

Now, understand this: people’s attention spans nowadays are shorter than Bruno Mars doing the limbo. People get bored halfway through reading a fortune cookie! You know, I heard Bill Cosby (just before his conviction), stopped spiking women’s drinks and got them to read a book instead. Apparently, it had the same effect.

It’s just a rumor.

The point is this: it’s hard enough getting bookworms (the minority) to read your promotional emails, much less non-readers (the majority)

Listen, if you want to write obnoxiously good intros that suck in readers like a souped-up Kerby vacuum cleaner, obey these two monkey-simple rules:

(1) keep e’m short, and (2) keep ’em interesting.

Easier said than done?

Does Pinocchio have a wooden di… never mind.

Of course it’s easier said than done… but after you’ve read all 43 commandments, you’ll be armed to the teeth with clever ways to write snappy intros, okay?

Chin up!

5. Avoid “Design Creep” at All Costs 

Look at the average promotional email today. 

They’re an orgy of fancy fonts, images, and logos with so many queer colors even Elton John would consider it too gay looking. 

It’s HTML gone wild!

What it really is, dear reader, is a case of “image over substance”. People get sucked in by all the fancy bells and whistles and templates designed by tech geeks who are mostly clueless about direct response marketing. These tech geeks get their jollies by designing the most sophisticated designs known to mankind.

Listen, all that stuff is just beautiful nonsense. 

It only distracts from the one thing that matters:

THE WORDS!

This overuse of graphics and colors only fragments and dilutes your subscriber’s focus and attention to the sale message. Understand this: You could be the world’s greatest graphic designer, but if your emails have weak sales copy and lousy offers, your sales conversion rate will suck more than airplane toilets.

Moral of the story: a turd rolled in glitter is still a turd.

Look, if you’re selling T-shirts or shoes, I guess images can help, but mostly, you should ditch all the bells and whistles and have the sole focus on your sales message. It’s the sales message that matters most.

It’s about the sales copy.

The sales copy the sales, the sales copy, the sales copy!!!

Do you copy?

6. Never Make a Point Without a Story and
Never Tell a Story Without a Point

Making a point without a story is like a nun with a big rack – it’s a real waste.

Make your points memorable, Freckles – wrap them in a story.

Okay, let’s say that you, dear reader, wanted to make the following point: a marketer should stop thinking like a marketer and start thinking more like a customer. Now, that’s a good point, actually… it’s a very, very good point, however… if you don’t wrap that point up in a story, believe you me, it will fall on deaf ears. In my book, that’s unforgivable.  So, wrap that point up (think less like a marketer and more like a customer) in a little tale, like so:

Once upon a time…

… there was a fisherman who was so good at fishing, he had gained legendary status in his community.

The women wanted him. The men wanted to be him.

The local fisherman called him The God of Rods. In local taverns, his name was uttered with great reverence and awe.

This man dominated all the local fishing competitions. His name was constantly at the top of the honor board… and… he was on the cover of Sport Fishing magazine more times than Mick Jagger appeared on the cover of Rolling Stones.

And… he did it all with no muss, no fuss.

In fact, he outfished his competition with a rinky-dink boat and old-as-dirt fishing tackle. This always puzzled the other fishermen who all had the latest and greatest fishing tackle and state-of-the-art fishing boats. At the local bars, the following question was always raised and debated with great passion:

How does this guy pull in so many fish with his old boat and embarrassingly old fishing tackle?

Well, one fine day our hero fisherman boogies downtown and runs into an old friend.

The legend fisherman greets his buddy: “Hey, Barry, what’s happenin?”

“Ah, I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife!”, replies his buddy.

“Best trade you ever made, Barry!”, quips the legendary fisherman.

They both chuckle, and then his buddy asks:

“I gotsta ask yer.. what’s yer secret to fishing? Your mastery of fishing is undeniable. How is it you always catch the most fish and the biggest fish?”

“Okay, Barry, I’ll let you in on my secret. Now, try as I might, Barry, I can’t make my brain work like the average fisherman. Maybe it’s my mother not drinking when she was pregnant. I just don’t understand why all the local fishermen obsess over their fishing equipment. And therein lies the secret to my success.

You see, Barry, when all you jackwagons are buying fancy lures or bait, upgrading your rods to the newest model, and gettin’ your jollies by playing with your newfangled sonar fish finders… I’m out there studying the fish!

I study their feeding habits, how they feed, when they feed, their migration habits, their reaction to currents, how they behave in different types of waters, how they feed in different seasons, and the relationship they have with the ocean and the weather conditions.

You jackwagons study everything about fishing except the one thing that counts – the fish!

And that’s why I whup all your arses every fishing comp, every year. And could do it anywhere, anytime, anyplace.

Barry, if you wanna catch more fish, stop thinking like a fisherman and start thinking like a fish.”

***

Bottom line:

Never make a point without telling a story.

Points, facts, and figures roll off the human brain like water off Antonio Banderas’ hair, but stories stick to the brain like crap on a rug.

Hey, this lesson inside that story is so dang important, it’s the next commandment.

7. Stop Thinking Like a Marketer and
Start Thinking Like a subscriber

If you want to enjoy the sweet spoils of business that come from consistent, reliable, and regular sales, then get inside the heads of your subscribers. Study them the way the legendary fisherman studied fish and their habits. Knowing your product or service is small and easily eaten potatoes compared to knowing your market. 

It’s not the email copywriter with the best product that wins in business, it’s the email copywriter who has the best knowledge of their market that wins!

Think on it.

8. Master Direct Response Marketing

There is no more powerful a thing you can do for your business than to master direct response marketing. Direct response is simply any marketing message that gives the reader/listener a direct and clear action for the reader to take that’s in their best interests. Not YOUR best interests… THEIR best interests. The call to action may be to visit your website, buy your wares, or boogie on down to your brick-and-mortar. Whatever the deal, remember this:

No Call To Action – No Action! No Action – No Money, Honey!

That all said, direct response marketing ain’t all roses.

The pube in the soap is this: for direct response marketing to work (bring in a bundle of money), one must have a deep understanding of dynamical systems fractional differential equations. Nah, I’m kidding. No, the one skill that makes the direct response marketing magic happen is…

… Copywriting!

See next commandment:

9. Get Your Black Belt in Copywriting

Most business owners (I’d estimate 98%) have the copywriting acumen of a bucket of pig shit and their sales and marketing knowledge wouldn’t fill a teaspoon. This is good news, so long as you’re not one of them.

Look, if you read the books mentioned below, you’ll be light years ahead of the average business owner. Hell, you’ll be lightyears ahead of most pro marketers.

Kelvin Approved Copywriting Books:

(1) The Boron Letters ~ Gary Halbert

(2) Scientific Advertising ~ Claude Hopkins

(3) Letter Book ~ Robert Collier

(4) Breakthrough Advertising ~ Eugene Schwartz

(5) Tested Advertising Methods ~ John Caples

(6) How To Write a Good Advertisement ~ Victor O Schwab

(7) The Ultimate Sales Letter ~ Dan Kennedy

(8) The 16-Word Sales Letter  ~ Evaldo Albuquerque

(9) Kick-Ass Copywriting Secrets Of A Marketing Rebel ~ John Carlton

(10) Triggers ~ Joe Sugarman

10. It’s the Market, Stupid

It’s easier to sell a half-eaten apple to a starving man than sell a sizzling steak to a man who’s just eaten.

The point?

The market is more important than the product.

Give each attention accordingly.

Think on it.

Okay, so that one’s more of a proverb than a commandment.

Whatever.

11. Expound Upon Thy Product or Service’s benefits

At what point in the email sales process does money exchange?

Ah, forget it. I’ll just tell you. The cash register will ring when….

… The Subscriber believes the Value of Your Product
or Service Exceeds The Asking Price!

Once a subscriber feels they are getting more value than the asking price, he’ll start wanting your product more than the money in his pocket.

Now lean in closer for a minute. The following is important. Now, every product or service benefit you can clearly and powerfully get across to your subscriber will decrease the price tag in your subscribers’ minds. In other words, by magnifying the value of your product, you automatically dwarf the price.

How exactly do you build the perceived value of your product or service in your subscribers’ minds?

I’m glad you asked.

Well, I going to share a little excerpt from Dan Kennedy’s book, The Ultimate Sales Letter, that explains how to build the perceived value of your product or service.

Here it is:

Instead of just saying: an apple a day keeps the doctor away, do this:

List every vitamin and mineral provided by the apple, then list every health benefit delivered by each of those vitamins and minerals. You might then show the huge bulk of other foods you’d have to consume to get those same nutrients and benefits – all to turn that little apple into a huge bulk of value.

***

See how that works?

Next.

This one’s from the same book.

This technique is about revealing to your subscriber all the behind-the-scenes stuff, the costs and expenses of making your product or service. In other words, you show the blood sweat and tears that have gone into coming up with your product or service.

The example Kennedy uses below is to sell a piece of automated-industrial-equipment (sounds exciting, doesn’t it?)

*Note, there are two versions.

The first version is done in a way that most hack email marketers would do it (i.e., by adding zero value in a stunningly adept fashion) The second version is written in a way that creates so much value it makes this boring piece of machinery seem more valuable than NASA’s Space Shuttle Orbiter.

You be the judge.

Read both versions below.

Version #1

It automatically selects the right amount of materials, fills the bag, seals it, and stacks it in an extraordinarily durable system, good for tens of thousands of repetitions without needing maintenance.

Okay, now check out the next version which is selling the exact same piece of machinery.

Version #2

Our company recruited a brain trust of eight of the very best, most knowledgeable robotics engineers in the industry today to design this system.

No expense was spared in obtaining the services of these experts. The prototype system was run over six months of laboratory tests at a cost of over $1 million before being placed in an actual working environment.

In the ultimate test, we put it through 15,000 repetitions, and it performed perfectly and never needed even a minute of downtime or maintenance.

You can count on this system to select the right amount of material every time, fill the bag, seal it, and stack it in the carton without error. With over $3 million worth of research and quality control backing you up, you’ll finally have a least one piece of equipment working for you that is as reliable as God’s sunrise.

***

Hoo-ha!

The difference in perceived value is night and day, ain’t it?

Version #2 cleverly stacks value upon value upon value. All that “perceived value” caused the “perceived price” to drop like Lizzo on a seesaw.

And, it was done in an extremely vivid way, too.

And that’s what it takes, my friend. You see, the way to get your subscribers to willingly whip out their credit cards and buy is to show them how much MORE valuable your product will be in their lives than without it, and how much MORE valuable your product or service is than the dollar price you’re asking them to part with.

Another value-building secret: 

Extend the “time horizon” of your product or service’s value. In other words, show your subscribers that not only will your product or service help them today, but it will also help them way, way into their future. For example, if you sell car tires, don’t just talk about the immediate benefits of driving a car with tires that affectionately hug the corners and stick to wet roads like shit on a shovel, but also talk about the future benefit: money saved because these tires last longer than normal tires.

Look at your product or service. Are you only yapping on about immediate benefits? Think of all the future benefits your product or service can give your customer and clients, too. 

And yet another value-building secret: 

Extend the product or service “roles”. Here’s where you show your subscribers all the different ways your product or service can help them that they’re probably not aware of or thinking about. For example, if you’re promoting a book club, then you could jokingly say that you’re considering changing your book club name to The Matchmaking Book Club because so many of your members have made romantic connections. That’s a big benefit of going to a book club they may not have thought about. Silly example, but you catch my drift, right?

Okay, want another?

Awrite.

Now, this one’s a goodin’. It’s this:

Don’t just give a product benefit, give the benefit of the benefit.

For example, if you’re selling a fitness program whereby the unique exercises tone all the muscles in the body, then don’t just write: It tones all the muscles in the body.  

Stop and ask yourself, “Hmm, what’s the benefit of that?” Well, it seems to me the benefit of that would be a slimmer and younger-looking appearance.

So, write this: Tones all the muscles in the body – giving you a slimmer and younger-looking appearance.

And voila! You’ve just doubled the potency of your benefit.

Huh? You say you want another?

Jeez, the nerve of you!

Okay, okay. Show them how your product or service will save them money or how it will make them money or both.

Does your special cloth rack extend the life of your clothes, thus saving you money on clothes? Will your course on persuasion and communication help them negotiate better business deals?

Bonus: 

As much as people like saving their bucks, they like saving their time, especially successful people. (successful people always value time over money)

Time is the one irretrievable commodity. Once it’s gone – it’s gone!

Showing your subscribers how your product or service saves them time is one of the strongest appeals there is.

Never forget that.

12. Kill-Off ALL Neediness

The greatest leverage any negotiator can have…

… is NOT their intellect, their strategy, their slick speech, their intimidation, their people skills, their planning, their value creation, their sales skills, their emotional intelligence, or their strategy.

Nope.

The greatest leverage a negotiator can have is…

… The Willingness to Walk Away
From The Deal!

At the negotiation table, the power will always tilt in favor of the man who cares less.

In other words, the man who wants the deal the most will always have less leverage.

Neil McCauley (played by Robert DeNiro) in the movie The Heat was right, “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30-seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.”

Not letting yourself become too emotionally attached is key. Always keep in mind that things come and go. You miss out on a deal – no biggie. There will always be another. Unless you’re the unluckiest bastard on the planet, that is. But you’re not, are you?

So, why all the neediness when writing your promotional emails, Freckles?

As an email marketer, you should be the least nervous or needy. Of all the marketing mediums, email marketing has the most leeway. Hell, email’s more forgiving than Sharon Osbourne. It doesn’t matter how many times you screw up, Email will always take you back. With email marketing, you don’t get one chance to write a compelling pitch, you get many, many, many chances to perfect your pitch. I have three different lists that each have 90-day’s worth of emails loaded in my autoresponder. That’s 90 different pitches to sell my products. That’s 90 different opportunities to give another sales angle, answer objections, and hit on another product benefit. You know, whoever said tomorrow never comes didn’t know about email autoresponders.

Bottom line:

Stop caring so much about making the sale today!

With email, there’s always tomorrow.

In fact, with email, there’s today, tomorrow, the next day and the next day, and so on and so forth.

13. Never Become Subservient

When it comes to major sales killers, putting your prospects on a pedestal is second only to not properly qualifying your prospects.

Sadly, most email marketers are more subservient, deferential, and tolerant than Archer’s poor beleaguered butler Woodhouse.

Putting prospects on a pedestal is dumb, unnecessary, and truly pitiful.

It smacks of neediness.

It forces you to sell from your heels, as Mr. John Carlton (look him up) likes to say, which in turn, will beat your sales conversion rate to a pulp!

Listen, everyone deserves courtesy – not everyone deserves respect. Respect is EARNED.

Be courteous to your subscribers, sure, but NEVER, EVER… put them on a pedestal. You see, whenever you put someone on a pedestal, you are in effect, giving away your power. It’s like a bank robber handing over his gun to a bank teller while he tries to tie up his money bag.

You know what I’m getting at, right?

By giving away your power, I mean you are relinquishing your influence and ability to persuade. Listen closely: if you truly have a great product or service that delivers on all its promises, and you sell it at a fair price, then it is my contention that YOU have the power, NOT your prospect. You have the prize (your product or service) and YOU decide who has the privilege of buying from you.

You wouldn’t let any old Joe Schmuck into your home, would you?

Exactly.

Then, by extension, you shouldn’t just let anyone become your client or customer.

And… if a prospect is worthy to buy from you but doesn’t, then it’s their loss, not yours.

Bare bottom line:

Never put your subscribers on a pedestal.

To quote American romance author, Teressa Murmmet, “If you put somebody on a pedestal, they can only look down upon you.”

And from that position, you ain’t gonna influence Jack All or anybody.

Look, if there’s anything that should be put on a pedestal, it’s this:

Your Product or Service!

Amen.

14. Sell With Chutzpah!

Most writers I know are arrogant, stubborn, and bloody-minded.

Well, at least the good ones.

Yup, they are all character traits that make for a good email copywriter, too. Especially the “arrogant” part. I guess a better word would be cocksureness. Do you know what I’m getting at? I’m talking about having a real sense of conviction behind everything you say. This is a quality I never hear anyone talk about concerning sales, persuasion and copywriting. I believe it is one of the most crucial elements (if not the most crucial) when it comes to persuasion and influence.

Alice was right on the money when she told the Mad Hatter the following wise words:

… Say What You Mean and
Mean What You Say!

Listen, if your words were weighed on a scale, would they be considered heavy or light?

Would they be full of authority, certainty, and conviction, or would they just be full of hot air?

It all comes down to your level of confidence, my friend.

Confidence is evident in every winner. Conversely, when you look around at the mediocre majority, you’ll find the one thing that appears universally with them is this:

A Dearth of Self-Confidence!

Andrew Carnegie once said, “Be a man who in his secret thoughts believes himself superior to most men, thus deserving of great wealth and power.”

Right on, Mr. Carnegie.

FACT: if you say or do anything with enough confidence, people assume you must be in the right. Confidence is a potent means of convincing the world to see things your way.

Not only do people step aside, admire, and salute the highly confident individual, but they also feel good about it. It’s true. Confidence is a kind of social sedative. It puts people at ease. Verily I say unto you, confidence is to persuasion what oxygen is to lungs. One without the other is useless. You see, you could deliver the perfect sales pitch and say all the right things but without confidence, the pitch falls flat.

Let me put it this way:

A sales pitch delivered with low confidence is like playing an out-of-tune guitar. You can play all the right notes but it will still sound wrong.

But, Kelvin, what about “fake it till you make it”, huh?

What about it?

Oh, you want my take on it?

Alrighty.

Look, you may have to fake it when you’re starting out, but know this: if you are 100% committed to your goals and are outworking everyone else, doing things others aren’t prepared to do, then this sense of superiority will come to you naturally. Now, I ask you, would you prefer a real Rolex watch or a fake one? Of course, you want the real McCoy. I see “confidence” in the same light. Don’t settle for fake confidence when you can have the genuine article. Get off your arse, put in the hours, go the extra two miles and experience REAL confidence!

Having a healthy sense of superiority gives your marketing messages serious teeth!

Listen:

If you can’t sell yourself, how the hell are you going to sell your product or service?

Conversely, if you can sell yourself, then selling your product or service becomes duck soup!

15. Write With Respect – You Idiot!

There’s an old joke: 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. Sadly, I believe that quip could be applied to email marketers. However, in the case of email marketers, that percentage would be slightly higher.

Another joke comes to mind: 

Don’t tell my mum I’m an email marketer, she thinks I’m a dancer at a strip club.

Ah, yes… there’s little to no respect for the modern-day email marketer, and rightly so. Email marketers have been stinkin’ up peoples’ email inboxes with their steaming hot spam since the ’90s. Their sense of entitlement is legendary. The average email marketer today is more entitled and demanding than a litigant on Judge Judy.

Hoo-boy! 

This is negative stuff, ain’t it? Almost depressing. Actually, this is good news. That is, if you don’t have the aforementioned attitude. Listen: It is a privilege and honor to have people sign up for your newsletter. Reward those people’s trust with emails written with respect and gratitude. 

Do this and you’ll become the sparkling diamond among the lumps of coal in your subscriber’s inbox!

Geez, Kelvin, that last sentence was very poetic.

I’m glad you noticed.

16. Never Phone It In

The late, great Miles Davis once said, “Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherf*cker who plays it is 80 percent”.

And so it is with email copywriting.

Any mo’ fo’ can write a promotional email, but very few people have the necessary attitude required to write emails that pull in the bucks once the send button’s been pushed.

Most email marketers’ emails are about as passionless and cold as an ex-wife’s heart. They have no heart and soul. No style. No joie de vivre. Kinda like a white guy on a dance floor. You know, if there were such a thing as The Lackluster Promotional Watchdogs, the entire industry would be in trouble.

Listen, leave the cold, emotionless, and insipid communication style to banks, corporations, and other institutions. You write with passion.

To make this all more concrete, check out the following two Wendy’s reviews. You tell me which one has more passion.

Wendy’s review #1

Great customer service from this Wendy’s store. The thick shakes are delicious and full of flavor. I also ordered my daughter’s Ice cream Birthday cake from this store which was great. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. I ordered online which was really easy and stress-free.
They also make great customized ice cream cakes for every occasion. Very good service.

Wendy’s review #2

“This place is BAWLIN yo. Chicken nuggitz be crispy like you never SEEN.

I tasted one and I was like, “WHAAAT! Are you serious Wendy?”

Mean girls workin the friers, tho. This one chick wouldn’t even let me holla. I was like “please you ugly anyway”.

***

Okay, if you chose review #1, I’m sorry, you are beyond all help. Clearly, review #2 was written with more passion.

Now, I used two extreme examples to make my point. Aim to be somewhere between those two extreme examples and you’ll be sittin pretty.

Here’s a good goal to strive for:

Write your promotional emails with the passion and enthusiasm of Steve Irwin, the attitude of Tony Robbins, the heart and soul of James Brown, and the salesmanship of Zig Ziglar.

17. Play The Long Game

There are two types of email marketers: (1) Players, and (2) stayers.

Let’s start with the players, shall we?

These guys treat their email list like an ATM machine – only interacting when in need of money. It’s all transactional for these scuzzballs.

This bunch is more self-serving than IKEA, and often their products are like most movies coming out of Hollywood today – rotten!

Yup, these guys are the ingrown pube on the arse of email marketing.

Am I being too subtle?

Here’s my real point:

Unfortunately, these players tend to be very good marketers. They know all the slick copywriting tricks and know how to get a steady stream of unsuspecting people to give up their email addresses. Players know how to build big email lists. They have to know how to build big email lists because they go through subscribers lists like Alice Cooper goes through eyeliner. 

Dear reader, never stoop to this short-sighted approach to email marketing

Be a stayer, not a player.

Let’s talk about the stayers.

Stayers are everything that players are not – righteous, ethical, and long-term thinkers.

If you truly want to have a recession-proof business, then think long-term. See each and every email subscriber as a potential lifetime customer. And treat them as such. Build a relationship with your subscribers. If you look at the etymology of the word “relationship” you’ll find the word “connection”. If you can connect or bond with your subscribers, you’ll be shocked at how profitable email can be.

Look after your subscribers and they’ll look after you.

What a wild concept, huh?

18. If You’re Gonna Sell, Then Sell, Dammit!

Hear ye this:

With every single promotional email you send to your subscribers, a sale is made.

Even if nobody buys, a sale was made.

It’s true.

Don’t worry, I’ll explain. 

You ever seen the movie Boiler Room?

It’s about a bunch of hyper-aggressive stock jocks who sell stocks (what else?) to unsuspecting buyers over the phone. Welp, there’s a scene in the movie where the top-selling broker is giving the other brokers a lesson in selling. This scene explains why it’s true that a sale is always made even if nobody buys.

Here is that scene:

Jim Young: “There is no such thing as a no-sale call. A sale is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can’t. Either way, a sale is made, the only question is who is gonna close?”

***

Who’s gonna close?

I’ll tell you who’s gonna close – it’s the person with the most conviction and confidence.

Sometimes it’s the salesperson.

Sometimes it’s the prospect.

19. Know (and use) The 4 Most Influential
Words in All of Copywriting

The four most engaging (and influential) words you can ever use in your emails are:

You, Your, You’re, and You’ll.

The most unengaging words are, He guys, Hey everybody… Hi, gang… (stupid)

Never make your subscribers feel like just one of many. Make them feel like they’re the only person you are talking to. Email is an intimate medium. Why ruin that advantage by using silly phrases like, Hey guys, hi gang.. ? Silly. Understand this: More than anything (perhaps even more than sex), people have a burning desire to be seen, heard, and understood. Direct selling legend, Mary Kay, understood this better than anyone.

“Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.'” ~ Mary Kay

Never forget this message when working with people. 

Okay, a quick book recommendation.

There’s a book called The Butler Speaks. It’s written by Charles MacPherson who’s a world authority on household management and butlering (sounds exciting, doesn’t it?) By the way, it doesn’t matter what field of endeavor, industry, or topic, there’s always something you can steal and apply to your promotional emails.

Anyway…

….here’s a little excerpt from the good butler’s book:

“The famous designer Oscar de la Renta taught me one of the most important lessons in my professional career.

When asked: What is luxury? His response was this: “Luxury is a feeling”.

He explained that paying a high price to be served a cup of coffee in a fancy hotel by an employee who pays no attention to you is not luxury. It’s not luxury because it doesn’t make you feel special, rather, you leave disappointed.”

In contrast, buying a cheaper coffee prepared by a street vendor who gives you his undivided attention makes you feel important and welcome. That is good service. That is luxury.

Luxury can be had by anyone because it’s about giving someone the gift of feeling welcomed, cherished, and looked after.”

***

Hey, you still with me?

Ah, good.

You were getting a little quiet, that’s all.

Moving on.

Now, remember that line about Bill Clinton making the person he is chatting with feel like the most important person in the world?

You say you do?

Good.

Well, do you also remember how I told you how to..

Stop!

Do you realize what I have been doing this whole time? (especially the last few sentences)

I’ll tell you: I’ve been doing the email equivalent of making you feel like you’re the most important person in the world.

Tell me, reading this, do feel like a cog in the machine, a faceless statistic who’s lumped in with everybody else, or do you feel like I’m speaking directly to YOU?

C’mon, admit it, I’m makin’ you feel incredibly special, like the unique, significant, outstanding, and remarkable individual that you are! (Too much?)

Listen, this is where most email marketers fall down. They don’t make their subscribers feel like they are being addressed personally.

And why would they feel special when dumbarse marketers use phrases like: “Hi everybody”, or “I hope you all understand the significance…” or “I have some great news to tell you all”, huh?

Address your subscribers individually, okay, Freckles?

Okay, how else can you connect (bond) with your subscribers?

Here’s how else:

Reveal personal (but benign) details about yourself. Let your subscribers look behind the curtains.

By the way, as I’m writing this here in my home office in Sydney, Australia, I have Cold Chisel (perhaps the most underrated ’80s rock band in the world) blaring in the background, I’m wearing ugg boots, (it’s winter here), my favorite tracksuit pants and a green hoodie, which almost has holes in its elbows because I wear it whenever I type at my desk. And that’s a lot.

It’s 5;25 pm on a Thursday, and all I’ve eaten today is a Thai dish that I ate over six hours ago. My stomach is now making sounds that resemble a dying walrus, so I’m going to stop now and go chow down some dinner.

See there?

All of that personal information was told to you as way of illustrating the power of personal details.

I mean, how much more do you know about me?

There was a lot revealed in those few sentences.

For example, you know, roughly how old I am. I mean, if I’m listening to 80’s music, you know I’m probably be at least in my 30’s (I’m actually in my early 40s) 

Look, Personal details bond the reader with the writer. Just take my word for it, damnit! I’m sick and tired of having to explain and prove everything!

See, I told you I was hungry.

20. Know What Business You’re Really In

Ask a plumber what business they are in, and they’ll say they’re in the plumbing business.

Ask a doctor what business they are in, and they’ll say they practice medicine.

Ask an internet marketer what business they are in, and they’ll say “Which job do you mean? My online business or my waitressing job?

They are all reasonable answers.

However, I submit to you that the plumber, doctor, and online marketer are all in the same business.

And what business is that?

This:

The People Business!

Yessiree, we are ALL in the people business.

It is people who buy products and services.

And it is people who open and read your promotional emails.

Now, as much as this may seem basic to you, I can assure you that it’s fundamental truths like this that get overlooked or not given enough thought and attention.

You see, it is easy to get caught up in the operations and running of our business and lose sight of the people we are serving.

Listen, you could possess world-class hairdressing skills, however, if your breath smells like an ashtray and your attitude is more sour than Cher’s dealing with the Paparazzi, then you won’t be in business very long.

And the same holds true for email marketing.

You may write with perfect grammar and sentence structure, but if your writing comes across as self-serving, cold, and impersonal, then your subscribers won’t hang around for long.

You follow?

…………………… hmm?

Uh… you there??

21.  If You Don’t Have Anything Novel To Say…
Don’t Say Anything at All!

Want highly engaged subscribers?

Then you must say something novel and unique. If you can’t think of something unique, you must say a common thing in an uncommon way. You must give it a new spin, angle, or twist.

WARNING: geek talk ahead.

Cognitive neuroscientists Nico Bunzeck and Emrah Duzel used MRI images to show how the brain reacts to novelty. They found that there’s a region of our mid-brain called the substantial nigra or ventral segmental area that “lights up” when we see new stuff. This novelty centre of our brain is activated ONLY when we come across something completely new. If it’s something familiar, it stays dormant. 

If your email copy does not contain something new or unique, it’s useless. Why? Because it will not activate dopamine pathways in your subscriber’s brain. Without the release of dopamine, your subscribers will just ignore your message.

Do you get that?

As soon as your subscribers think, “Aw, man, I’ve heard this before”, you’ve lost them like a coin down the back of a lounge chair. The very second they feel like they know what you’re about to say, their attention drops like a rock.

Remember this:

When novelty is up, engagement goes up. When novelty is down, engagement goes down.

It’s a direct head-on correlation.

If you consistently and effectively inject novelty into your emails, your reader engagement will be as high as the front row at a Snoop Dogg concert!

22. Humanize Your Copy, Freckles

KFC has the Colonel.

General Mills Co. has the sweet, all-American, and wholesome Betty Crocker.

Nike has Michael Jordan. 

Philip Morris had the Marlboro Man.

Dunkin Donuts has Snoop Dogg.

Dos Equis beer had The Most Interesting Man in The World.

All those companies were smart enough to know this:

People connect with people – not corporations.

What the above personalities did for those faceless, cold-hearted money-grabbing companies (at least that’s how the general public sees them), is they ‘humanized’ them. These personalities took their respective companies from being cold, hard, and stony to being warm, flesh and blood.

All those personalities essentially killed off the public’s inherent distrust of big companies and instead, got the public to know like, and trust them.

You see, what happens is, the personality wins over the public’s affection, and this easily won affection automatically transfers to the product the personality is endorsing. Then, the public, now with hearts full of trust, ventures out and buy the product.

So what’s the bottom line here?

This:

Stop sending out cold, generic, and faceless emails void of personality.

Make your emails drip with personality.

Start letting your personality shine through.

Get your subscribers to connect with you on a personal level. Let your subscribers enter your world. Show them the real you – warts, hemorrhoids and all. Give them the behind-the-scenes stuff. Be real.

Once your subscribers are sold on YOU, hell, selling your product or service becomes child’s play.

23. Speak To The Lizard Brain

The lizard brain is simply the “primal” part of people. 

This primal part of us is like an iceberg – it’s always there, lurking where nobody can see, and it ultimately determines what everyone else will eventually see.

It’s the part of us that acts instinctively.

Here’s a fact: We have one foot in the Stone Age and one foot in the Digital Age. In other words, one half of our brain is frozen in time and the other half is developing over time. And, surprisingly, it’s the unchanging part of the brain that’s large and in charge.

Yup, contrary to almost everyone’s opinion, the lizard brain (Stone Age brain) is the one running the show. Your lizard brain influences every decision you make whether you realize it or not. 

If you really want to get your market’s attention, appeal to people’s lizard brains (their primal desires) You know those desires, don’t you? I’m talking about sex, food, greed, love, fear, fight or flight, etc.

FACT: A primal desire will outsell and outperform any other appeal.

Period.

Case closed.

End of story.

Now, hear this:

If there’s a bunch of guys standing around talking and a beautiful woman walks by, every single guy (unless they are gay, perhaps) in that group will suddenly be focused on that woman. I don’t care if the bunch of guys are spellbound listening to one of them tell a hair-raising story – once their eyes catch sight of the beautiful woman, all bets are off….

…The Woman Gets The Attention!

Every –

Single –

Time.

Men can’t turn off that primal desire to look at a beautiful woman.

And guess what?

Your prospects can’t turn off their primal desires either. No one can.

So… appeal to it!

24. Make Your Subject Lines Irrelevant

Subject lines are like pick-up lines – they’re overrated and end up being a psychological crutch for amateurs.

Listen, do you think celebrities like Bradley Cooper have to use pickup lines? Of course not. There’s no need. It wouldn’t matter what pickup line Bradley Cooper used – he’s Bradley Cooper. 

One time Hugh Hefner was asked what his best pickup line was.

His answer? This: 

“My best pickup line is, ‘my name is Hugh Hefner.'”

Well, just like pickup lines are irrelevant to famous men, there is also a way for email marketers to make their subject lines become almost irrelevant. A way that gets subscribers to open your emails no matter what your subject lines say.

Oh yeah? How’s that, Kelvin?

You sure you wanna know?  OK then.  Here goes. The way to make your subject lines become almost irrelevant is to… drum roll………………… ………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………..

…. Write Great Emails!

You see, if your subscribers love reading and buying from your emails, they’ll start opening all your emails, no matter what your subject lines say. They’ll open up your emails just because it’s from you!

Thus – and here’s the big lesson – your sender name makes your subject line almost irrelevant!

Bottom line: make your sender name the reason they open, not your cute or clever subject lines.

Now, I get it – telling you to just write better emails is like a sprinting coach telling their runner to just run faster.

That said, if you obey all the commandments given herein, you’ll be on the right track, Jimmy.

Now, because I’m as generous as I am humble, I’m going to give you some actionable tips for writing subject lines that are sure to perk up any saggy open rates.

You’re welcome.

Now pay attention:

If you want your email open rates to be like Post Malone on his birthday – absurdly high!…. then always adhere to the cardinal rule of marketing: 

Appeal to People’s Emotions,
Not Their Intellect!

I’m telling you, writing subject lines that appeal to your subscribers’ logical minds is a losing strategy. It’s weak, ineffective, and not going to connect!

Kinda like being punched by a midget 

Okay, below are 3 proven elements you’d be wise to use in your subject lines.

(1) Taunting curiosity

(2) A lip-smackingly-good benefit to the reader.

(3) Human interest (Drama)

Without said three elements, your emails will be like a Jehovah’s Witness at your front door – you subscribers will see them but they won’t open!

25. Sell In EVERY Email

Not selling in every email is a disservice to your subscribers.

If you have a product or service that can help them, then how is not letting them buy it helping them?

Imagine the following scenario: You go to a pizza restaurant. You sit down and a smiling waiter comes over. “Oh, sorry, we aren’t selling today.” says the pleasant waiter.

“Hm. I thought you guys were open?”, you reply. “Oh, we are open, it’s just that today we aren’t selling. Today we are just giving value. So, how can we help you?”

Well, dear reader, I believe not always selling in your promotional emails is just as ridiculous.

Don’t be a knucklehead – let your subscribers buy!

Let them decide when they want to buy, not you!

Some finer points:

Do you sell information products or courses? Are you a consultant or a coach? Be careful what you give away for free. If you truly want to help your clients and customers, get them to pony up!

If they don’t pay, they don’t pay attention, either.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not against giving value. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t give advice away for free. I’m saying you should be careful what information you give away for free, especially if what you sell is your information. You have to be very strategic about how you use FREE in your marketing messages.

Bottom line:

If you’re giving away too much free advice, your sales will suffer, and you’ll end up more frustrated than Rick Allen rowing a boat!

As the saying goes, if you’re getting the milk for free, why buy the cow?

But, Kelvin, Gary Vaynerchuk says (ah, here we go) you should give, give, give, and then ask for a sale. Give 80% of the time and sell 20% of the time. That’s basically what his book Jab Jab Jab Right Hook teaches.

Hey, you can get paid only 20% of the time if you want to, I prefer to get paid 100% of the time. Why only be open for business 20% of the time? That is a clear-cut case of the stupids. 

And by the way, context is everything. Know this: Gary Vee is NOT an information marketer. In other words, he doesn’t make his money selling books or online courses. No. He’s made his money through e-commerce, public speaking, and running an advertising agency. He’s never sold information. Are you getting this? Sure, listen to Gary when it comes to running a business or any other entrepreneurial topic. But if you follow his jab, jab, jab, right hook advice to sell your books and online courses, you’ll make fewer sales than a snaggle-toothed, chain-smoking beautician with a lazy eye!

By the way, you can bet your sweet bippy Gary will be trying to close every single prospect that walks into his advertising agency (VaynerMedia) …

… 100% of The Time!

Yup, when Gary’s running his business, he sells 100% of the time like any other normal business person. You know, I feel a little silly writing something that’s so obvious.

Whatever.

26. Offers That fill Coffers

Stop making “easy-to-resit” offers and start making irresistible offers.

Offers are the heart and soul of copywriting.

As the late, great Gary Halbert used to say, a great offer can overcome sloppy sales copy, but the greatest sales copy in the world can’t overcome a lousy offer.

Here are three never-fail offer types:

(1) The discount offer

(2) The limited-time offer

(3) The added bonuses and premiums plus the limited-time offer

Always think of ways you can sweeten the deal.

Tattoo this somewhere on your body or at least your assistant’s:

“The best way to improve your sales is to improve your offer.”

It’s that important.

27. Think Like a King, Talk Like a Commoner

Firstly, how does one think like a king?

In my righteous opinion, a kingly thought has at least one of the following four elements:

(1) It gives people an aha moment.

(2) It contains a truth. A universal truth. A principle.

(3) It is unexpected.

(4) It is relevant and relatable.

Now, the trick is to say it in a way the man on the street can immediately understand.

Hey, would you like a clever “3-step formula”(used brilliantly by American televangelist Joel Osteen) to help you talk in laymen’s terms? Of course you do.

Here it is:

Point – Story – Metaphor

Whenever you’re trying to get across your point to someone, you simply: (1) tell them the point (2) wrap up that point in a story, and (3) drive the point home with a metaphor.

Think of it this way:

The point you’re making is a nail. The story is the hammer that drives your point into your audience’s minds. The metaphor is that one last whack of the hammer for good measure.

Ah, Kevin, that’s clever. Can you give an example?

Geez… you’re working me harder than a Nike sweatshop worker!

Look, Freckles, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll give you an example (one I learned from the great Frank Kern) IF…. (here’s the quid pro quo) … you promise to share these 43 commandments with your marketing and business cronies.

Do we have a deal?

Sweet.

Alrighty then… here’s the example:

Let’s say the point you want to make is this: If you focus on past negatives, you’ll never get anywhere.

Well, that point alone is okay, but it’s not impactful, is it? It won’t penetrate your audience’s minds. So, grab your hammer (a story) and drive your point deep into their craniums, like so:

(In the voice of Frank Kern’s wife)

“When I was a little girl in Ukraine, I desperately wanted to learn English, but I was failing terribly. My teacher told me I would never learn to speak English. That devastated me. I would run home and cry and cry. The teacher’s negative words were like a broken record in my mind. The more I dwelled on her words, the more I felt like giving up on learning English. And… I did! For years I just didn’t bother to learn it because I believed my teacher.

One day, I got angry. Frustrated. I thought, who is she to tell me what I can or can’t do?

I made the decision to learn English that day.

Fast-forward to today, I live in America, I speak English fluently, I have three English speaking kids, and run a successful business speaking in English.”

 – the metaphor:

The bad experiences you have in life are like rocks. And you have a choice: you can either take that rock, put it in your backpack and carry it around everywhere you go… or you can throw that rock away.

Most people pick up the rock, put it in their backpack and carry it around with them. Now, as you know, problems and tough times don’t go away. Life always has more to give. So, it doesn’t take long before that packpag of rocks is fill up. Sadly, most people end up being crushed by the weight of their backpack, thus, they can never move forward and get ahead in life.

***

There’s your example.

Remember our deal? (the share button is easy to find)

Muchas gracias!

28. Master The Art of Persuasion

If you can’t persuade, you can’t sell.

Period.

Listen, as an email copywriter, you’re already working harder than, uh… the unemployed and homeless… so why make it harder by not truly understanding how persuasion works, huh?

I mean truly knowing how persuasion works. Not just kind, sorta knowing. I’m talking about understanding persuasion the way Warren Buffet understands investing or the way Steven Hawking understood, uh, whatever it is he understood.

Persuasion, what is it exactly?

Gosh, that’s a great question, Skip.

Well, first, let’s establish what it isn’t! Persuasion is NOT debating. It is NOT coercing. It is NOT arguing. No. No. No! People who think persuasion is putting forth a counterargument are seriously confused. For starters, nobody has ever won an argument. Check out the following text from Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People:

“Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And…

…A Man Convinced Against His Will Is of
The Same Opinion Still!

Persuasion, my friend, is getting someone to take the very action you want them to take and…

… Having Them Think it
Was Their Idea!

People resist what you tell them but accept what they conclude for themselves. (it would be prudent of you to reread that sentence, dear reader)

The way to get people to persuade themselves is to fill their minds with the images you want them to see. That’s why storytelling is so powerful. When telling a story, you’re essentially filling their minds with imagery. If I tell you a fact or try and make a product claim it only raises objections. But a story slides right by the critical mind and starts persuading people because they start seeing images in their own heads! They are now being influenced from the inside out, not from the outside in.

One of the founding fathers of copywriting, Robert Collier, taught this in his brilliant book titled The Robert Collier Letter Book (read it!) Mr. Collier makes an astute observation:

“The mind thinks in pictures, you know. One good illustration is worth a thousand words. But one clear picture built up in the reader’s mind by your words is worth a thousand drawings, for the reader colors that picture with his own imagination, which is more potent than all the brushes of all the world’s artists.”

Simply put:

A picture is worth a thousand words but a picture in someone’s mind is worth a thousand pictures.

Lordy lord! 

I’m giving you pure gold here, dear reader.

If you can’t see the value here, I don’t know what your problem is but I’m sure it’s hard to pronounce.

29. Show The Problem in All Its Gory

“What fresh hell is this?” ~ Dorothy Parker

How do you get a business owner who’s on the fence about hiring your services or buying your product to pony up?

That’s easy.

You do it by scarring the willies out of them.

Think that’s unethical?

Nonsense.

Look, Sugarpop, I’ll put it this way:

Imagine a grossly overweight man going to see a doctor. I’m talking about a man so fat he makes Chris Christie look slim and athletic. A man so fat, just his shadow weighs 200 pounds. Okay, you get the idea. Back to the story: The doctor looks at the fat man and says, “Sir, do you have any kids?” “Yeah, I have a teenage daughter”, replies the fat man. “Would you like to see her get married one day?”, asks the doctor. “Sure I would”, says the fat man. 

“Listen, sir, you’re dangerously overweight. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it because you’ll wanna eat that too, but understand this: you are about one hotdog away from a heart attack! If you don’t immediately change your lifestyle, you won’t be there when your daughter gets married because…

… You’ll Be 6 Feet Under!

Unless you want some other man walking your daughter down the aisle, I suggest you start your new improved lifestyle right now!”

***

See there? That doctor was using fear to persuade his patient.

Now, I ask you, dear reader, does that make the doctor unethical?

I say thee nay!

I say that’s a righteous and ethical doctor who cares about his patient. Listen, here’s a don’t-argue-with-me fact: the single most powerful and effective way to motivate anyone is fear. Here’s another: Homo sapiens have a heavy bias towards negativity. We are hardwired for negativity.

For example, your boss sends you an email that reads: I need to see you after work today. Your immediate response will not be, “Oh, goodie! I wonder what good news he has for me” No! Your immediate response will be, “Aw, man, what does that schmuck want now? Gosh, could I be getting fired? Did he find out about me using the office dishtowels as toilet paper??”, and so on.

We default to the negative.

In fact, we are hardwired for negativity.

We pay more attention to negative events than positive events.

We learn more from negative outcomes than positive outcomes

We make decisions based on negative information more than positive information.

The research is in: 70% of buying decisions are made to avoid loss, not to accomplish gain.

As Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman has written, “For most people, the fear of losing $100 is more intense than the hope of gaining $500. Pain vs Gain? When it comes to which is the stronger motivator, it ain’t even close. Pain kicks Gain’s arse every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

People will take far more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain.

I realize I’m beating this point to death, but dammit, you need to get this in your negative head, okay?

Fear, pain (both physical and psychological), and avoiding loss are the great motivators.

So, if you want to sell more of your product or services, then get your prospects to see, hear, taste, feel, and smell the horror that might befall them if they don’t act right freakin’ now!

I remember hearing a wildly successful life insurance salesman once say, “When selling life insurance, you want the prospect to have the stench of death in their nostrils.”

A little gross?

Sure.

Effective?

You betcha!

The truth is, it doesn’t matter what you sell, if you want them to take action and buy, magnify the problem, and show it to them in ultra-high definition to the point where they are pacing the room wringing their sweaty hands.

As any good Baptist preacher knows, if you wanna get them saved, you gotta show them hell before you show them heaven.

Why do people get saved? To avoid hell.  Why do people buy products and services? To avoid their hellish problems.

The better you get at making them feel, taste, hear, and smell the fire, sulfur, and brimstone of their hellish problem, the better your sales will be.

Remember this little ditty:

It’s easy to sell when you show them hell.

Hokey?

Sure it is, but if you obey this commandment, you’ll see sales start to flow like Guinness on Saint Patrick’s Day.

30. Know Aristotle’s Hierarchy of Persuasion

In case you’re not hip to Aristotle’s “Three Pillars of Persuasion”…

Here’s a quickie crash course:

The three pillars of persuasion as taught by Aristotle are as follows: ETHOS, PATHOS, and LOGOS.

ETHOS is a Greek word meaning character and credibility.

PATHOS is a Greek word for suffering, emotion, and experience. (basically emotion)

LOGOS is a Greek word that means logic and reasoning.

Let’s talk about Ethos, shall we?

Ethos is the most important pillar of the three. That’s right. When it comes to persuasion, the person behind the message matters most. You see, you can deliver the most emotional filled (Pathos) message with air-tight logic (Logos), but if your audience thinks you’re a dummy or they think you’re a shyster, all that emotion and logic won’t amount to a hill of beans.

Why?

Because they either don’t respect you or don’t trust you or both!

If you fail with Ethos (your character and expertise), no amount of emotion or logic can save you.

It’s the who, the character, the person delivering the message that makes the emotion and logic effective.

Ya follow?

For example, a policeman on the street could point at folks and say, “Hey, can you please come over here”, and most people would likely walk over to the policeman. But if a random bum on the street tried to do the same, most people would likely ignore them. Same message, different response.

I repeat: It’s the person behind the message that counts.

You know, the single best way to boost your powers of persuasion is to just be worth a damn.

Be someone worth listening to. Be a stone-cold expert. And above all things, be a good apple. Someone wise once said, it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice. Well, that couldn’t be more true when it comes to persuasion. You see, you could be a world-class expert, but if you have the reputation of unethical scumbag, then you ain’t persuading anyone! Billy Joel is right, “It’s a matter of trust. If your subscribers don’t trust you, I don’t care how much of an expert you are, they ain’t buyin’. Even if they reallly want what you’re offering, if they don’t trust you, all is lost.

Now, Ethos can be broken into three categories: (1) character (2) expertise (3) likeability

To be able to influence and persuade people, you must be trustworthy and an expert in your field.

It’s not one or the other. No! You must have both. You can be almost saint-like but if you’re not perceived to be an expert, knowledgeable, or intelligent, you will struggle to persuade. Conversely, if you’re brilliant but not trustworthy, you’re done!

Now, assuming that you, dear reader, are honest and as pure as the driven snow, how do you boost your powers of persuasion? Simple: You do that by becoming better at what you do. With more expertise comes more respect. With more respect comes more influence. People respect and look up to experts. Always be improving. That way you can always be increasing your powers of persuasion.

What else can you do to boost your powers of persuasion? Well, you can work on your personality, Chico.

Listen, here’s a simple truth: likable and charismatic people are more persuasive than others.

Likeability is the grease on the wheel of persuasion. It just makes everything else easier.

Need I say more?

Next.

Pathos. This is appealing to people’s emotions.

The science is in: decisions are made 100% emotionally and then logic kicks in to make you feel good about your decision. This echoes what the great Mark Twain quipped:

“There are two reasons a man buys something. The reason he tells his wife and the real reason.”

You see this play out every day in retail stores across the globe. A wife walks into a store, sees a pair of shoes with a 25% off tag attached, and that’s all it takes. She buys the shoes, goes home and feels good about her emotional purchase because… that 25% off tag gives her an out. It gives her an excuse to tell her husband when he bitches at her about her spending. She can now say, “Hey, Buckshot, they were on special, I got 25% off”

Now, make no mistake, there is an emotion behind every purchase. We want what we want. It’s our emotions (often we are unaware of them) that dictates to our logic. You feel angry about a certain social issue, well guess what happens? You’ll start seeking out logical arguments that back your feelings. If you don’t understand how very much people are controlled by their emotions, you’ll never place enough importance on getting people emotionally involved with your email copy.

You must get your subscribers emotionally engaged with your sales copy. The more you can stir their desire for your product, the more they will seek logical reasons to back their desire to buy.

Okay, Chucky, I need to get a le little cerebral for a second.

The word “emotion” dates back to 1579 when it was adapted from the French word émouvoir, which means “to stir up”. The term emotion was introduced into academic discussion as a catch-all term for passions, sentiments, and affections.

Here’s the Etymology: From French émotion, from émouvoir (“excite”) based on Latin ēmōtus, past participle of ēmoveō and moveō (“move”) The keyword: MOVE.

Brain hurting yet?

Listen, you gotta get this: Emotion gets people in motion. It gets them to act, to respond! Your email copy should be full of the following emotional triggers: storytelling, imagery, metaphor, analogies, emotive words, and sensory triggers, okay?

Remember this: emotion creates motion. No emotion, no motion.

Okay, let’s get a little practical.

Words and Imagery – The Doorway To Emotion

Look, there’s no secret to stirring someone’s emotions.

It’s quite elementary, my dear Watson.

Now come in closer for a second. Ah, that’s better. Now listen: I bet I can get you to feel happy, at least a little happier than you are right now.

Oh yeah? 

Yup. I’ll prove it.

Picture this:

Your phone rings. It’s your spouse. Your spouse tells you to meet them at your favorite restaurant after work. You turn up to the restaurant to find your spouse and kids all they’re waiting for you with smiles on their dials. You sit down and they hand you a gift and a card. You open the card and read it. The card reads as follows:

We love you and appreciate you very much. Thanks for all the work you do for us and for all the joy and laughter you bring all of us. We couldn’t be prouder of you. P.S. There’s a special surprise waiting for you at home.

Okay, admit it, that warmed the cockles of your heart a little, didn’t it?

Now, let me paint another picture:

You arrive home from work and call out to your wife. She doesn’t respond. You call out her name again, this time louder. Still no response. You walk into your bedroom and see an envelope on your pillow. It’s addressed to you, and you recognize your wife’s handwriting.

You open it and read it.

Here’s what the letter says:

To (your name),

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll get straight to it:

I’m leaving you and I want a divorce.

The reasons are many. 

However, I could sum it all up by saying this:

You disgust me.

You are the most pitiful creature I’ve ever met. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks? What I should do is kick you in the nuts to ensure you don’t ever procreate.

I can’t believe I ever married you. 

Calling you a poorly endowed slimeball would be a HUGE insult to other poorly endowed slimeballs.

I have to stop writing now because this is forcing me to think of you, and whenever I think of you my skin crawls and I start to feel ill.

I’d wish you luck for the future, but you’re so hopeless you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.

I’ll finish with this: the only positive I can think of is that we never had kids.

P.S. You can keep the cat. I never liked him, either.

***

Okay, that one didn’t feel so good, did it?  If you read that closely and really imagined that happening to you, you can’t help but feel bad.

So, as you can see, I made you feel good and then made you feel bad.

I did this by painting pictures for your mind’s eye. To get you feeling good, I simply painted you a pleasing picture. To get you feeling bad, I simply painted you a displeasing picture. 

You see, when you read (or hear) a pleasing scenario, your imagination fires up and drops you right into the scene. The vision creates emotion because your imagination doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not. It’s why you can tear up watching a sad movie. You know it’s just a movie, but you watch movies vicariously.

Bottom line:

Imagination is the doorway to emotions. Once inside, you can determine which emotion is triggered by the picture you paint. Paint a fearful picture and fear will be emoted. Paint an unjust picture (scenario) and righteous anger will be emoted.

Yup, mind control is very simple.

I can control your mind by writing three simple words: shiny red apple.

You can’t read or hear the words “shiny red apple” without seeing a shiny red apple.

Okay, so I got you to visualize a red apple, but there’s no emotion, right? Well, let’s fix that.

Imagine this: Your father-in-law is very old and very rich. You will inherit half of his fortune when he dies.

You take that apple, inject it with cyanide, and you give the apple to your father-in-law.

Ah, see, we’re starting to get a little emotion going…namely, shock and disgust.

Alrighty, moving on.

Email copywriting is all about getting a prospect to move, act, and respond (i.e., whip out their wallets and buy!) Getting them frothing-at-the-mouth excited to buy is good, but it’s not complete. Getting your prospects emotionally engaged with your sales copy is like loading the gun, but if you want them to pull the trigger, you must give them a good logical reason to do so.

Enter Logos.

People need a good logical reason to pull the trigger. That’s how the human brain works. We make a decision (emotionally) and use logic and reason to make ourselves feel good about the decision.

The entire retail business is set up around that one fact. Discounts and sales give the consumer an out, an excuse to buy. Logic and reason also give the buyer comfort. They want to feel like they made an intelligent decision. So, if you can give them a good rational, logical, and honest-to-God reason to buy, they do! And if anyone questions their buying decision, they will be armed with a good logical reason.

Logic is to a sales message what framing is to a house.

Logic gives your sales message structure, shape, and support.

You can have the most emotionally based message in the world, but if the logic isn’t there, the whole message will fall to bits.

Okay, dear reader, grab your pens and notebooks because it’s school time. 

Below are two persuasion hacks that use logic and reason.

(1) “Reason why”

Understand this: people don’t believe claims that have no supporting evidence or reason why it’s true. A claim without proof attached is just hype. And as an email marketer, you should use hype about as often as Nick Nolte uses a hairbrush – pretty much never.

So, always give a reason why your subscribers should buy from you and not your competition. Always give your subscribers a reason why your product claims are true. And… if you can, give them a reason why they should buy today.

For example, Kleenex tissues don’t just say, “Hey our tissues absorb 50% more.” 

No! They give the consumer the logical reason why: “They absorb 50% more because they’re two layers thick.” 

A product claim without a reason why it’s true gets consumers to knee-jerkily say, “Yeah, right!” (they won’t believe you) But give a logical reason why your claim is true and they knee-jerkily think, “Hmm, okay, that makes sense.”

Powerful copywriting lesson there, my friend.

(2) “Because” – an almost magical word.

A well-known principle of human behavior says that when you ask someone to do you a favor, you will be far more successful if you provide a reason.

Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer demonstrated this surprising fact by performing a little social experiment. What she did is, she asked a small favor of people waiting in line to use a library copying machine. It was this:

“Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”  Using that exact request with a reason why attached got a 94% compliance rate. Yep, almost everyone let her skip ahead of them in line.

She then tested the same request but this time without any “reason why” attached.  “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” 

Guess how well that went?

The request without a “reason why” only got a 60% success rate.

Now, if you think the request with the “reason why” worked better is because of what the reason was (“because I’m in a rush”) then you’d be very wrong.

Because Langer tested a third request. This time the request includes a reason why, but this time the reason was almost ridiculous. Here was the new request:

“Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?

The result was once again nearly all – 93% agreed to let her skip ahead of them. 

For some strange reason, the word “because” triggered an automatic compliance response from Langer’s subjects, even when the reason being offered was kinda silly.

The takeaway:

“Because”… it’s an almost magical word in the world of influence and persuasion. 

Remember that because, well, you’d be a dummy not to.

31. Write With Some Boogie

Most people’s writing is like a white man on a dance floor – it lacks good rhythm. 

It’s as if they have two left hands.

Listen, writing with a good cadence and rhythm is perhaps the most underrated and overlooked aspect of writing. Writing that lacks good rhythm can really kill a piece of writing.

Perhaps the following analogy will help you see how very important writing with good rhythm is.

A woman goes on a date with a guy who’s charming, good-looking, and has a great career, however… he talks in a high-pitched squeaky voice. Well, that one irritating flaw will heavily undermine all this man’s good points. And so it is with writing. A piece of writing that has the rhythm of a morse code operator with Tourette’s Syndrome will be seriously undermined, no matter how brilliant the ideas and concepts it contains.

How does one write with good rhythm and cadence?

Good question.

Here’s my good answer: just being aware of rhythm and cadence will help you tremendously. Most writers foolishly pay it no mind. 

What else?

Hm, let me see….

Ah, here’s what else: read your email copy aloud. If you stumble over any spots, chances are your readers will, too. So, rewrite those sticky sections until you can read them without any verbal trips or stumbles, okay?

Listen, you want your copy to flow.

But let me issue you a warning: Don’t make it flow so smoothly that you put your reader in a daze. You don’t want to hypnotize them – you’re trying to keep them engaged.

Remember, this is email marketing. You need to keep your subscribers on their toes like a midget at a urinal. Go on, admit it, that one made you smirk a little, didn’t it? Whatever.  

The point is this: You want them fully engaged and ready to take action on your offers.

Now, if you really want to see a masterful example of writing with good rhythm, read or watch any movie written by screenplay writer Aaron Sorkin. They don’t call him “the musical writer” for nothing. His writing dances and skips along. Remember Jack Nicholson’s “You can’t handle the truth!” scene from A Few Good Men? Well, that’s Sorkin’s work.

Here’s Sorkin rapping about writing with rhythm:

“Anytime someone is writing or speaking, the rules of music should apply. When I write, what the words sound like is as important to me as what they mean. It’s a lot about rhythm.” ~ Aaron Sorkin

Yep, what he said.

32. Study Human Nature

Listen, I’ve come to learn something curious over the last decade about the world’s best copywriters.

Know what that is?

Of course you don’t, so I’ll just tell you.

I’ve noticed that when the very best copywriters in the world get together, they don’t sit around and gab about copywriting techniques and methods. No! They are so far beyond those things it ain’t funny.

No, they talk about something that all elite copywriters are obsessed with: cigars and whiskey!

But a few whiskeys and cigars in… here’s what they really talk about:

Human Nature!

Mark my words, dear reader, you will never meet a world-class salesperson or copywriter who isn’t obsessed with human behavior and psychology. Being obsessed with human nature (wanting to know what makes people tick) is the copywriter’s unspoken job prerequisite.

It boggles my mind how many people don’t get this simple concept.

Getting into copywriting without being obsessed with human nature is a bad idea. It’s like joining Greenpeace and not giving a damn about whales. 

Oh, here’s another prerequisite: you should not have any hangups with selling. Actually, I’d go so far as to say you should love selling. You see, if you are too scared to sell and you become a copywriter, well hell…. you’ll hate your job cuz you’ll suck at it, then you’ll develop a drinking problem, lose your self-respect, your wife and kids, and ultimately, the will to live…. and then the terrorists have won.

But I digress.

Now listen to this: having a deep understanding of what makes people tick is not only invaluable for copywriters…

… It’s Invaluable To Anyone
In Any Industry!

Unless you’re a cave dweller, I can’t think of a single person who couldn’t benefit from having a better understanding of human behavior and psychology.

Now, you ever heard this: sales is a learned skill. Well, it’s not entirely true. You see, a person who doesn’t understand human psychology will always struggle in sales no matter how well trained. Sales techniques and methods are just tools. You must know how to correctly use the tools.

I’ll put it this way:

Imagine you had all the materials to build a house, a carpenter’s belt, and a truck full of the latest and greatest carpentry tools. Now, could you build a house? Seriously, could you?

Huh?

You say you couldn’t build a house even having all the best carpentry tools money can buy?

Why not? You have all the tools. What’s wrong?

Aha… tools are only as good as the muppet using them. And so it is with sales.

Yea verily, the lawyer who studies human behavior will run rings around the lawyer who only studies law. The policeman who studies human behavior will be far more effective on the beat than the policeman who only studies police procedure. The teacher who studies human behavior and not just the curriculum will fair better in the classroom.

And, of course…

… the email marketer who studies human behavior will be far more successful than the email marketer who just studies copywriting techniques.

And that is the end of the matter.

33. Hit ’em Where They Live 

A common trait of great communicators is this:

They take abstract ideas and bring them down to earth where people live. They make their communication simple and easy to understand… AND… they make it have impact!

Comedian, Bill Burr, like many comedians, is very adept at taking a concept or idea and making it concrete. Often, he does it by taking a concept or idea and comparing it to another. 

Kelvin, I think that’s called an analogy.

Dear reader, remember when I said chime in whenever you feel like it?

Me neither!

Now where was I? Oh yeah, I was saying that Bill Burr is obnoxiously good at making his communication concrete. Now, I guess I should explain what I mean by “concrete” language, eh? Concrete language is simply using words and phrases that trigger the senses. It’s communicating in a way that gets your audience to see, smell, hear, taste, and feel what it is you’re talking about.

The opposite of concrete language is abstract language. Abstract communication deals with ideas and concepts that are only understood intellectually. The abstract is intangible and hard to grasp. When you talk in the abstract, often people end up on very different pages because everyone has a different life experience. People have their own set of values, thus they see things through their own unique filters.

FACT: 

No two people see the exact same thing the exact same way. This frequently leads to arguments, fistfights, violence, and bloodshed!

But enough about the typical Australian family. 

Realize this: if I walked up to ten random people on the street and asked, “Hey, cobber (that’s Australian for “my friend”), what comes to mind when you think of the word “generous”? Well, you would likely hear ten very different answers. Why? Because the word “generous” by itself is abstract, and abstract language is vague and open to interpretation. In the persuasion game, that is bad news. We don’t want our communication to be open to interpretation, now do we? No. No. No! We want our audience to see what we want them to see, think what we want them to think, and feel what we want them to feel.

Well, we can do that by using concrete language.

Concrete language gives substance and clarity to your communication, and in turn, makes it more impactful for your audience.

Concrete language triggers the senses, thus, activating more areas of your reader’s (or listener’s) brain.

Literally!

You are literally taking a bigger chunk of your reader’s or listener’s brain (attention).

I’m not going to dive into the science here, but trust me, this is all scientifically proven. Google it, Bugalugs!

Now hear this: 

The BIG secret to making your communication more concrete is by making it visual. Paint pictures with your words.

Wanna see how that’s done?

Okay… hold my beer. Watch this. 

Let’s suppose you wrote the following sentence: Mr. Buck was very self-conscious. 

Now, the word “self-conscious” is easy to understand, I guess, but it isn’t concrete. The word “self-conscious” is too abstract. It isn’t brought down to earth.

Now watch – I’ll take the same sentence and bring it down to earth by using concrete language.

Like so:

Mr. Buck was about as self-conscious as a lycra-clad cyclist with an erection.

Now that sentence gives you something to hang your hat on, doesn’t it? (Best not to think too literally about that one)

Now, was that a simile, an analogy, or a metaphor?

Who cares!

What matters is this: it was more concrete. In other words, it took something abstract (being self-conscious) and made it more real by giving you a mental image, albeit a tawdry one.

Okay, below are some examples to help drive this concept even deeper into your cranium. (see there? That was an example of concrete language)

Here are some examples:

Abstract vs Concrete

 An example of abstract language is this:

Abstract: Last night, Bruce drank too much.

Let’s make that sentence more concrete, like so:

Concrete: Last night, Bruce drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels, a six-pack of Budweiser, and a glass of warm, cheap red wine (Bruce likes to mix his drinks) while sitting outside in his Lazyboy. The hot, steamy Arizona weather didn’t help matters.

***

Okay, let’s take a look at a few more abstract sentences and see if we can make them a little more concrete.

I’ll try to make them business-related, ok?

Hey, thanks, Kelvin.

No worries.

Abstract: This training will help you make more sales. 

Concrete: This training will make you a bundle of money.

***

Abstract: Our meal planner will save you time. 

Concrete: Our meal planner will give you your weeknights back so you can spend that time with your spouse, helping your kids with their homework, or just put your feet up and relax.

***

Abstract: Jack’s real estate business increased by 43% after implementing these unique strategies. 

Concrete: Jack started selling an extra 3 houses a month after implementing these unique strategies.

***

Abstract: You’ll love our Hot Tubs. 

Concrete: Boy oh boy, wait till you experience one of our famous Hot Tubs. The feel of that soothing bubbling water against your bare skin is just plain heaven. (Taken from Gary Halbert’s book The Boron Letters – read it!)

***

Abstract: As a mortgage broker, I make sure I keep right up-to-date with all the different products and new offers that are available to you right now. 

Concrete: As a mortgage broker, I see it as my duty to not just be up to date with all the different products and offers, but to be ahead of the curve. Each morning, with a strong espresso at my side, I lock myself to my desk for one and a half hours and review the top mortgage broker industry reports. But it doesn’t stop there. Throughout the day I’m receiving industry updates in real-time. To say I’ve got my finger on the pulse of the industry is a gross understatement. I eat, sleep and breathe this stuff. It’s not work for me. I love it. Nothing makes me happier than finding the very BEST deal for one of my clients.

***

See the difference?

Do you see how concrete communication gives credibility to your claims? It makes them more real.

Are you getting this, lieutenant? Are you starting to see the power of using concrete language and its ability to persuade and influence people?

Hm. I’m not so sure you are. Welp, I done gonna make sure you “get it!”

I’m sure the following story will help you “get it”

So, a few years back, I grew a beard. It was a long beard. A thick and bushy beard. All in all, it was a fine beard, indeed. At least it was to me. My laydee, not so much. Actually, truth be told, my wife hated my beard like Pinocchio hated termites.

And, she wasn’t shy about sharing her opinion –

“Kelvin, you’ve had your fun, now when are you shaving?” “Kelvin, it looks very messy.”  “Kelvin, I really just think it doesn’t suit you. Please, shave it off!”

And on and on the negative comments flowed from her judgmental lips.

Obviously, my wife’s harder to impress than Simon Cowell with a bad head cold. Now, you mix that impossible-to-please attitude with a guy who’s about as stubborn as a pissed-off mule (me!), and you know what you get?

You get a stalemate.

Yup, both of us refused to concede.

In fact, the more negative comments she made about my beard, the more I liked my beard. All her negative remarks rolled off me like water off Michael Phelp’s back. With every negative comment, I just dug my heels in a little more. Being told what to do with my facial hair, well… I don’t cotton to that. I decide what happens to my facial hair.

At least, that’s what I thought after months of successfully deflecting my wife’s sour remarks.

You see, it wasn’t long before my wife said something that had me shaving off that beard right quick!

Here’s the ultra-abridged story:

One day I say to my laydee, “Geez, I’m really liking this bead!”

She looks at me as if I’d told her I like killing puppies, and then… she delivered her might blow:

“Are you serious, Kelvin!? You look like you have a Greek woman’s unkempt vagina on your face!” 

BTW, I don’t condone my wife’s stereotypical comment. (Geez it’s good to be the nice guy for once)

The point is this: 

With that one single insult, she had convinced me that it was in my best interest to shave it off.

I willingly and happily boogied down to the bathroom and commenced shaving.

All her earlier negative comments were too abstract, thus they fell on deaf ears. That last zinger was concrete. It was visual. It had impact.

When it comes to persuasion, you must double down on concrete language. We are visual creatures. The more you hit on people’s senses, the more impactful and memorable your communication will be. It’s all about impact! 

Remember: when trying to persuade – Concrete good! – Abstract bad!

My wife painted an image so stark and so vivid I couldn’t help but be influenced by it.

Real persuasion happens when you can get your audience to see what you want them to see.

Bec could have said: Your beard is too messy and disheveled, right?

But, that does not have the same impact as: “You look like you have a Greek women’s unkempt vagina on your face!”

No comparison.

The impact difference is night and day.

Oh, I almost forgot. I was going to give you a few Bill Burr examples of using concrete language.

First example: On one of his podcast episodes, he was ranting about how unfair and weak-kneed it was of Kevin Durant to leave his struggling team and join the very team that knocked them out of the finals – the Golden State Warriors. It was a case of, “if you can’t beat them, join them” and Burr made it very real through concrete language.

Here’s how Ol’ Billy Bags put it:

“Durant leaving his team to join the Warriors! Geez. Can you imagine a movie doing that? Imagine a movie where there are five nerds getting beat-up by five bullies, and the third act of the movie is NOT the nerds coming together to figure out how to beat the bullies. No! What happens instead is, the main nerd of the group leaves and joins the bullies, and then helps the bullies beat up his friends!”

Brilliant.

Alright, here’s another example of concrete communication from Mr. Burr:

Bill was talking about the hole in his ceiling caused by water damage. He didn’t just say it was a gaping big hole. Nope. He said this: “It’s like a black bear’s parachute failed.”

Great mental picture, ain’t it?

You got time for one more example?

Aw, don’t be like that.

What’s the rush?

I’m trying to help you here! I bet when you’re talking about your product or service to a prospect you’re being too abstract in your communication.

Listen: YOU NEED another example.

I know I do.

Communicating in a concrete way doesn’t come naturally. It takes conscious effort.

Enuff.

Here’s my last example.

I was recently watching a movie (I can’t remember what movie) and one of the characters, a college student, was telling a friend about how his English professor brutally picked apart his essay.

Here’s how he put it: “The professor picked my essay apart like a post-Thanksgiving turkey.”

I’m done.

34. Write With Integrity

As you are probably well aware, there’s plenty of dishonesty in the advertising industry. The ability to tell a porky pie is almost a job requirement. Yes, indeed, the advertising industry is full of wicked lies, half-truths, and quarter truths, and that’s just when they’re talking amongst themselves in the agency lunchrooms. Then there’s the really dishonest stuff – the ad campaigns.

Listen, to say your new prospects are skeptical is an understatement of criminal proportions!

The truth is, your prospects have been cheated on more times than Tiger Wood’s ex-wife, let down more times than Lindsay Lohan’s parents, and swindled more times than a tourist at a Chinese street market.

Thus…

…They Take Everything You Say
With A Bag of Salt!

Honesty in advertising is harder to find than a T-shirt in Iggy Pop’s wardrobe. Yet marketers today are making claims so outrageous they would shock even P.T Barnum.

How do we write email copy that is believed?

Below are…

 Two little Ways That Make a BIG difference in Believability.

 (1) The Qualifier

At the risk of insulting your intelligence, a “qualifier” is a word or phrase that changes how absolute, certain, or generalized a statement is.

Examples of qualifiers are as follows:

some, most, all, none, potentially, sometimes, occasionally, usually, almost, etc.

Qualifiers a very subtle but very effective at making something sound more believable because it turns down the hype dial and turns up the credibility dial a few notches.

Now, pay attention, 007… below are a few examples:

Without qualifier:

*A shockingly good health tip that will change the way you drink water forever! No joke. (I know health tips are outside the scope of what I teach, but this one’s too good to keep to myself. – page 13)

With qualifier:

*A shockingly good health tip that will probably change the way you drink water forever! No joke. (I know health tips are outside the scope of what I teach, but this one’s too good to keep to myself. – page 13)

Did you spot the qualifier? It was the word: probably

Go back and reread them. Notice the one that says “will probably change the way you drink water” sounds more believable and less hypey? It’s because, of course, there’s no way I can know for sure, and the readers know that I can’t be 100% sure.

More examples.

Without qualifier:

*A magic “2-step persuasion hack” (recently discovered by some of the world’s top behavioral scientists) that can get even the most resistant to change people to change their behavior. (Plus, a real-life example of how it’s done. – page 13)

With qualifier:

*An almost magic “2-step persuasion hack” (recently discovered by some of the world’s top behavioral scientists) that can get even the most resistant to change people to change their behavior. (Plus, a real-life example of how it’s done. – page 13)

See it? The qualifier was the word “almost” – an almost magic way

The reader knows there’s no such thing as a magic hack, so why would you write that? It will just sound like hyperbole because it would be, in fact, hyperbole.

More.

Without qualifier:

*A special way of thinking that will make all your strategic business decisions far more effective and profitable. (This is another gem from Paul Hogan’s diabolically clever business partner.  – page 12)

With qualifier:

*A special way of thinking that can potentially make all your strategic business decisions far more effective and profitable. (This is another gem from Paul Hogan’s diabolically clever business partner.  – page 12)

The qualifier was: that can potentially make all your strategic…

Do you see how adding these little qualifiers turns down the hype and turns up the believability?

Powerful stuff, my friend.

Next.

(2) Power of the full disclosure

Brutal honesty, and admitting flaws is powerful. They also boost believability. A little bad makes the good more believable. If everything sounds too good to be true, people become suspicious, especially if it’s coming from a marketer. And rightly so. Nothing is perfect and everything has its faults or downside. Letting your prospect know about them builds a LOT of trust.

Example:

Without honesty or admission of fault:

*A virtually foolproof “2-step persuasion” formula. (This little but powerful persuasion formula took me over ten years to discover. Full scoop on page 4)

With honesty (admission of fault):

*A virtually foolproof “2-step persuasion” formula. (This little but powerful persuasion formula took me over ten years to discover. It’s simple in theory, but it does require skill to pull off. That said, I give you plenty of tips to make it easier. Full scoop on page 4)

See the difference? Letting readers know that it does require skill to pull off makes the whole claim sound more believable.

Now, lest you think dialing down the hype doesn’t work, hear this:

Behemoth publishing company ,Bottom Line Inc, sells information products via direct response marketing. Well, they once tested the following two headlines:

#1 Why The Price of Silver May Rise Steeply

#2 Why The Price of Silver Will Rise Steeply

Headline #1 (May Rise…) out pulled headline #2 (Will Rise…) in a big way.

Most people think that saying “the price of silver will rise” will be more effective because it implies certainty.

Not so!

Turns out the market responds better to “may rise”. It’s just more believable.

Furthermore, it’s more ethical. I mean, after all, there are not many things in life that are certain, especially in the finance world.

35. Be (and stay) Top of Mind

Now, pay attention, 007… 

If you want to stay top of mind, you gotta send at least one email per day. Sorry, once a fortnight or once week ain’t gonna cut it. If you want to win at life, you gotta show up daily. Email marketing is no different.

Listen, do you know exactly what day someone’s ready to buy? Of course not – hence this commandment of showing up daily in their inbox.

That way, when a subscriber is ready to buy, you’ll be patiently waiting in their inbox.

Bottom line:

Want to make more sales? Send more emails.

36. Write at a 5th-Grade Level

Doctors do it to their patients.

Lawyers do it to jurors and their own clients.

Employers do it to their employees.

Parents do it to their kids.

Teachers do it to their students.

And email marketers do it to their subscribers.

What do all these professions do?

This: They have a habit of talking over someone’s head. They use fancy,  convoluted, and high falutin language.

And don’t give me that crap about your market being too sophisticated or professional to use simple plain speech, okay?

Know this:

Agora Financial (one of the world’s most successful publishing companies) once studied all their most profitable sales letters over the last two decades to see if they could spot a commonality.

And guess what?

They did spot a commonality.

It just wasn’t a commonality they expected.

Here’s what they discovered:

They discovered that all their most successful sales letters were…

… Written at a Grade 5 Level!

And their market is full of well-educated and financially savvy individuals.

So there.

But there’s more.

Information that’s easier to process is viewed positively in almost every way. Cognitive scientists refer to this ease as “processing fluency,” and it’s why your knowledge base is probably more full of flawed ideas than you’d like to believe.

Take, for example, the Three Wise Men who brought gifts to the baby Jesus. Nowhere in the Bible does it specifically say there were three. It’s assumed because there were three types of gifts: gold, incense, and myrrh. Yet that is how the story is told.

Three wise men is a simple idea. Thus, it’s easily understood and believed.

Another common myth: caffeine dehydrates. Nope. The diuretic dehydrating effect of caffeine is offset by the amount of water in a caffeinated drink.

It’s a simple message that’s easy to believe. It has “fluency”. Therefore it gets thrown around as a fact.

The greater something’s “fluency,” the more we tend to like it, the less risky we judge it, the more popular and prevalent we believe it is, and the easier we think it is to do. Listen to this: Meals whose recipes are written in hard-to-read fonts are judged as more difficult to make.

Interesting, huh? And this: money with which we’re unfamiliar is perceived to be less valuable. And this: stock prices of companies with easy-to-pronounce names do better on the day the company goes public.

We like simple things.

We are more likely to believe in simple things.

Check this out:

A cognitive scientist and a few of his cronies recently conducted an experiment where they got a bunch of readers to read various pieces of content that had varying degrees of complexity. Here’s what they discovered:

The more complicated a piece of content was, the lower the estimates of an author’s intelligence were given by the readers. The authors whose content was less complicated were perceived to be more intelligent.

Fascinating.

Other studies have shown that when presenting people with a factual statement, manipulations that make the statement easier to mentally process—even totally nonsubstantive changes like writing it in a cleaner font or making it rhyme —can alter the judgment of the truth of the statement. In other words, the simplicity makes it more believable.

Multiple studies have found that subjects were more likely to judge easy-to-read statements as true. 

Are you starting to see how crucial clear, concise, and simple communication is?

The equation is simple: the easier something is to understand, the more credence we give it.

Do everything humanly possible to simplify your message.

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

You can’t afford to make a reader work to understand what the hell it is you’re saying.

It must be crystal clear.

Below is an example of a sentence that makes a reader work too hard.

*It is of great importance that one reads as much as possible, especially in the early stages of life and career.

***

That one long-winding-road of a sentence would wipe out the majority of readers. That sentence contained 21 words. Painful. It could be easily written with only seven words. Like so:

*Read a lot while you are young.

***

Ah….how sweet the simplicity.

Listen, nobody will ever criticize you for making your writing too easy to read. Complaining that a piece of writing is too easy to read is like complaining to a chef that the food is too tasty.

People want their food to taste good and by golly, they want their reading experience to be easy too.

Period.

ALL your sentences (and words) must be easy to read.

Mark Twain once said, “Don’t use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.” In other words, don’t use a big word when a short one will do.

Listen up:

It is a HUGE mistake to think that Mark Twain’s quote only applies to writing.

It does not.

Communication is communication.

I don’t care what the medium is, your message must be simple.

Let me elaborate on communicating simply for a moment.

I’m not talking about dumbing down your content. The issue is not that your readers are dumb but rather distracted. If you think your subscribers are giving your content their undivided attention, you are dreaming.

GET REAL!

They are more distracted than a meerkat on crack and have the attention span of a brain-damaged goldfish.

They won’t willingly strain their brain to read your emails any more than they would willingly lick a toilet seat. 

 Now, here’s something else to tuck away in your marketing mind:

Complex writing kicks a reader’s mind into analytical reasoning mode. They will suddenly become more critical and skeptical.

And if you’re writing sales copy, this is bad.

Listen, trying to sell your product or service with complex sales is like Dolly Parton trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver on Lizzo – almost impossible!

What?

Dolly’s got short arms. Everyone knows that.

37. Thou Shall Entertain

The greatest music artist in the world didn’t just sing – he entertained.

The greatest boxer in the world didn’t just box – he entertained.

The greatest copywriter in the world didn’t just sell – he entertained.

There’s a lesson there, Freckles.

Now, in case you don’t know who I’m referring to, I’ll name these great men below:

Elvis Presley, Muhammad Ali, and Gary Halbert.

And guess what?

Over the years, I have stolen plenty of their showmanship tricks, too.

Look, get this in your noodle:

Entertainment Is What People Want!

They don’t just want it… they crave it like Keith Richards craves cigarettes. (I heard he’s cut back to 4 packs a day. Good for him.)

You’re an entertainer as much as you are a speaker or email marketer. Dan Kennedy had a popular line he would tell speakers:

“Do you have to be funny? The answer: Only if you want to get paid!”

Kennedy took to heart what he heard Johnny Carson say one night: “Compare my salary with the Dean of Harvard’s salary and you’ll quickly understand what Americans value more – entertainment or education.”

Look, the lesson here is obvious.

Don’t be so damn boring! Stop giving your market the same old stodgy information as everyone else in your industry.

Know this: the human brain loves to be surprised.

People’s attention rises and dips according to how predictable or unpredictable something is.

If you’re always giving people predictable, common, and routine information…

… You Lose!

You lose your market’s attention.

You lose out on new business.

You lose out on future business.

Here’s the reality: Getting new business always starts with getting your market’s attention.

And… if you don’t know how to get (and keep) your market’s attention, you’ll be like Rafael Nadal’s opponents at the French Open – doing your very best but getting nowhere!

Wanna know my recipe for cooking up tasty promotional emails that pull in the bucks?

Here are the ingredients:

A handful of analogies.

A smattering of humor.

A teaspoon of teaching.

A generous serving of one or two-syllable words

A sprinkling of unique and attention-getting words and phrases.

A dollop of storytelling.

They are the ingredients.

Mixing entertainment with copywriting is a potent cocktail.

Furthermore, I’ve found the stronger the cocktail, the more jolly more readers get, and the jollier they get, the more freely they spend!

I’m telling you, entertaining sales pitches bring customers to your checkout page like Wild Cherry brought dancers to the dance floor.

38. Write Pithy

I tell ya, most email marketers love the sound of their own keyboards. They write as if they’re getting paid per word.

The truth is, the more words you use to make your point, the weaker that point will likely be.

Understand this: The human ear can handle waffle and superfluous communication. The human eye cannot. Listening is easier than reading. So, you must help out your readers by writing in the pithiest way humanly possible.

Take the above sentence, for example. I didn’t need to add the word “humanly” to the word possible, now did I?

Not a big deal, but it just goes to show how difficult writing pithy can be.

Now, Michelangelo once said this: “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there, I just need to chisel away the superfluous material.”

And so it is with writing.

What you want to say is already complete inside your noggin. But when you first write it down so your readers can see what was inside your head, it will be a little fuzzy. If you want them to clearly see what was inside your head, then you must chisel away all the superfluous words. 

Gosh, that was a good analogy, Kelvin.

You ain’t wrong there, Freckles.

Now, the best advice on writing pithy I ever heard was from the legendary crime novelist, Elmore Leonard, who said this:

“I just leave out the parts people tend to skip”

Makes a lot of sense.

Sorry?

Do I have any practical tips for writing pithier?

Does a fat dog fart?

Of course I do!

Here’s one: Reading poetry will make you a pithier writer. Before I talk poetry, you must truly understand this:

The only people on God’s green earth who read email copy for fun are copywriting fanatics. Everybody else (normal people) avoids sales copy like a gold-digger avoids prenups. And if someone does start reading some email copy, the second they become bored or confused by long-winded and flabby language, they skedaddle!

Therefore, it is critical that your email copy is pithy.

You gotta whip your lazy, fat slob sentences and paragraphs into shape until they’re lean and mean.

And that’s where reading poetry comes in. Poetry is the pithiest form of writing. Poetry cuts things down to its bare-bone essentials. Poetry is a form of writing that proves less is more.

All the great writers know the more words you can cut from your first draft the better. 

Alrighty, I’ll finish this commandment with a quote from a writer who was the pithiest of the pithy.

“So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.” ~ Dr. Seuss

Kelvin, that was quite a lot of words about how to write pithy.

Dammit.

I was hoping nobody would pick up on that.

39. Don’t Write – Talk!

It’s not good prose that sells products, it’s good sales copy.

BIG difference.

Prose is about how you write. Sales copy is all about what to write. When it comes to sales copy, what you say is far more important than how you say it. Who cares if you can write like William Faulkner if what you’re writing about doesn’t hit on your subscriber’s interests or hot buttons, huh?

Your subscribers should be focused on what you’re saying not how you’re saying it.

I like legend copywriter Eugene Schwarts’ take. He cleverly compared sales copy to that of a showcase storefront on Fith Avenue.

Aw, hell, I’ll just quote the man.

“Sales copy is like a showcase storefront on Fifth Avenue. The goal is to encourage people to look through the glass window and admire the product. If the glass is dirty or calls attention to itself in any way — it’s not done its job. It’s the exact same for copywriting. The goal is to convince people to act. If the writing draws attention to itself in any way, it detracts from the copy.” ~ Eugene Schwartz

Trying to impress your subscribers with your fancy literary prose is full-scale stupid. It only draws attention to your writing

You want your subscribers focused on what your product or service can do for them, not your writing.

Ya follow?

Here’s something else to consider:

Your email copy should build rapport with your subscribers. You want to bond with your subscribers. You know, get them to know, like, and trust you. Well, How the hell are you gonna do that writing like a corporate stiff? 

Communicate with your subscribers like they’re your friends.

Listen:

Imagine you and your friend are having a few brewskis at a bar. “How, how ‘boat that weather?” says your friend.

And you reply, “Ah, yes, this large body of air having similar horizontal temperature and moisture charactertisics of barometric pressure. Oh, and those backing winds with height are indicative of cold air advection.”

Unless your friend is a pompous arse who gets his jollies from creating spreadsheets and analyzing data, they ain’t gonna jive with that stilted and haughty-taughty language.

The same goes for your subscribers.

Hey, remember Elmore Leonard? I quoted him in commandment #38

Keep up, Ray-Ray!

Well, I’m gonna quote him again, except this time I want you to pay more attention. This next quote of Leonard’s is pure gold. I dare say it’s the best email copywriting tip you’ll ever get. This tip, I believe, can dramatically ratchet up reader engagement. Yet at the same time, this powerful copywriting tip is foolishly underrated even by pro copywriters.

Enuff with the build-up.

Here it is:

“If it sounds like writing… rewrite it!” ~ Elmore Leonard

And for crying out loud, write with some personality!

Let your personality shine through your emails like a diamond on a dead man’s finger. Ah…sorry, bad simile.

Alright, I’m done with this one.

40. If You Promote a Service 

Lead with value.

I’m talking about giving your subscribers valuable tips that will help them.

Are you a hair salon service?

Tell them what types of shampoos and products work best for different types of hair, for example.

Share your expertise. Prove to your subscribers that you truly know your onions.

Hardly anyone does this. You do it! You be the one service who gives value even outside the hair salon.

41. Do You Sell Information Products?

In this commandment, I reveal a copywriting technique that, well, you may as well just imagine big bags of money, cuz this tasty little copy technique, if done correctly, of course, can fill up many bags of money… many times over.

The copywriting technique I speaketh of is this:

Curiosity Bullets!

When selling information products, curiosity is emperor.

Now, bullets are one or two sentences that reveal what’s inside your book, course, audio, or whatever form your information product comes in.

But there’s a big caveat: they only work if they pique your subscribers’ curiosity. No. scrap that. You don’t want to just pique their curiosity. No! You wanna tease their curiosity mercilessly.

You wanna tease, tease, tease!

Tease them like a stripper teases a bunch of Wall Street guys at the club.

Speaking of strippers, a good curiosity bullet is like a stripper’s bra – it reveals a lot but keeps the most important part hidden.

I’m talking about bullets that wrench on your reader’s curiosity and have them begging for sweet relief. And… that relief can ONLY come when they click the add to cart button.

Let’s have a geek at some examples, shall we?

Take notice, dear reader, of how the following curiosity bullets tease you into wanting to know the full scoop by revealing a lot but keeping the crucial part a secret.

*Best room to hide valuables in your home. (9 out of 10 thieves NEVER look here. – page 11)

*A popular houseplant you never suspected was poisonous to your family & pets. – page 15

*Hidden health risk of teddy bears. (What manufacturers never tell you. – page 38)

*$2 window sign that deters 9 out of 10 burglars. (Exact words on page 65)

*Eye-opening advice from professional burglars on making your home theft-proof. (Every one of your neighbors may get hit, but the crooks will pass you by.)

*Huge blunder parents make with their kid’s college financing. Your good contentions can get students bumped from school.

*The bathroom medicine cabinet is the best place to store medicine, right? Wrong! It’s the worst. The facts are on page 112.

*Do you take any of these 16 popular vitamins or supplements? If so, please read this M.D.’s urgent warning.

*Sneaky insurance tricks that could be costing you an arm and a leg. Make sure you’re not a victim.

*When cold pizza is the perfect fat-loss breakfast – page 14

*The quickest, easiest ways to find a broker who won’t cheat you.

*What you don’t have to tell the IRS auditor – and how to prevent a “fishing expedition” through your records.

*Better Than The Bench Press – (For a broader, more muscular chest, the uncanny exercise on page 17 works wonders!

*Little-known herbal supplement has “100% success rate” for clearing up bladder infections. (And no, it’s NOT cranberry juice)

How bout them apples?

Here are a few more. Wait. Here’s some context: I believe the following curiosity bullets were written by Craig Clemens. The product was owned by Eben Pagan (considered by many to be the Godfather of selling digital products) and it was called Double Your Dating.

There are two things that make the following bullets obnoxiously good: (1) they drip with curiosity, and (2) they hit on men’s primal desires and their biggest insecurities.

If you can nail those two things in your bullets, you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank, just like Eben Pagan did, thanks largely to the following bullets. 

The market – hapless single guys

• ‘The kiss test’ – how to tell if she’s ready to be kissed.

   

• The difference between how men and women think about dating – and why most women want to keep you from being successful.

   

• How to use secret body language to keep a woman’s attention.

   

• How to approach a new woman that you’d like to meet – and exactly what to say to start a conversation without “pick up lines.”

   

• The simple thing you can do at the end of a conversation with a woman that leaves her eagerly waiting for more, and gets HER to make the next call – pg 56

   

• How to give a woman that same feeling of I “have to have him” that she gets from a guy who is rich, famous, or good looking…without being any of those things yourself – pg 12

   

• A proven exercise to develop a stone-cold, unshakable inner confidence that allows you to approach a woman in any situation without getting nervous and without fear of rejection – pg 26

   

• The thing almost all men do to try to keep a woman interested that actually repels her twice as fast…and often drives her into the arms of another man – pg 14

   

• A psychological tactic regular guys can use to make a woman ALWAYS choose them over a guy who is better looking or makes more money – pg 15

   

• My proven, 2 step sequence for getting a woman’s phone number that NEVER fails.

   

• The 2 sentences you MUST SAY when asking a woman out…if you want to hear an excited “YES!” (The best part about this is that it builds her curiosity and leaves her dying to see you)

   

• 8 words you can say to a woman right before you take her clothes off that all but guarantee she won’t resist your advances.

   

• A psychological secret you can use to guarantee a woman will ALWAYS return your phone calls…and fast!

   

• “Hey, you don’t need a book to get a girl…just grow a pair!….REALLY!” ~ Kelvin Dorsey aka Email Marketing Maverick

42. Master This Content Creation Formula

Coming up with content ideas is like shopping with your wife – long, boring, and often you come away with nothing!

That is unless you know a little content creation formula.

I’m talking about a little hack that makes coming up with daily content ideas a breeze.

It’s actually a way of thinking that makes coming up with content ideas so easy, even those of you who have misfiring neurons and the creativity of a house brick will be able to use it.

It’s how Howard Stern (and many of the world’s top comedians) comes up with his content ideas.

Awrite…

Here’s the formula: theme + tie into product or service.

I shall explain.

The concept is simply to turn everyday events into email fodder. I’m talking about the most mundane and inherently dull activities.

Let’s say that today you went to the shops to buy some milk. It doesn’t get any more uneventful than that, right? Who cares! I’m about to show you how to turn the most inherently dull and boring things, events, and objects into fascinating emails your subscriber will love to read and buy from.

So, back to the milk at shops story. Now, what you do is you sit down and think of a theme for your little trip to the shops to buy milk story. Let’s assume that every time the milk runs out, it’s you that has to go buy more milk. Well, that would be your theme. The theme is – “it’s always me that has to do this job!”

Let’s say you’re a financial planner. How could you tie that theme to finance?

Look, this is just off the top of my head, but you could say something like so:

Does it feel like looking after the money is always left up to you? Everyone else is happy to spend it but gives no thought to how to save it and invest it.

Well, here’s a great way to get everyone else on board… yadda yadda…

Let’s try another.

Let’s say that you’re a sales trainer. Well, let’s say you saw a Miller beer commercial. How could you turn that into a promotional email?

Well, remember, the first step is to identify the theme. Well, Miller beer is all about taking time out to relax, right? Miller time! That’s your theme – time out to relax.

How can you tie that theme into sales training?

Easy.

You could say something like this:

Hey, one of the very best sales angles you can use is to show your prospects how your product or service can save them time.

Let’s do another.

Let’s say you’re a nutritionist. Okay, let’s say you got home from the shops to find out your shopping bags had holes in them and you unknowingly lost some of your groceries.

Okay, so what’s the theme? Well, it seems to me the theme would be – unknowingly losing something.

Okay, let’s tie that theme to nutrition.

Well, you simply tell your little tale of getting home to find out you had lost some groceries due to the holes in your shopping bags, and then you segue thusly…

… Do you know what else can cause people to unknowingly lose something? Food! That’s right. Certain foods you eat can cause you to lose energy. What foods make you sluggish and sap your energy? The following list of foods will surprise you.

***

Hey, you getting this?

Let’s do one more for good measure.

Let’s see now. Okay, let’s say this time you’re selling a traffic lead source for online businesses.

Now we need a little story, don’t we?

How about this:

You’re standing in a 7-Eleven and the guy in front of you is buying so much food it’s like he’s doing his weekly grocery shop.

OK. Let’s find out the theme. The theme could be this: where you buy certain commodities matters, and it matters a lot.

Your email copy would retell that story and then segue into your product plug like so:

It’s very important where you buy food, but it’s also important where you buy your business leads. There are good leads and there are a ton of junky leads that will make your business sick, too.

***

Are starting to see how everything can be turned into a promotional email?

Everything that happens to you can be an email because everything that happens, no matter how inherently dull it may be, has a theme. And every theme can be tied into what you sell.

How do you think Howard Stern came up with content ideas for a daily 4-hour radio show, year after year, huh?

He knew this secret. Everything is fodder.

Below is a segment from Stern’s biography that echoes what I’m saying.

Stern: “Anything that happened to me became grist for the mill of my show. It didn’t take long for Robin to realize that I would talk about anything on the air. In fact, I’ll let her tell this story.

Robin: I’ll never forget the day I realized that nothing was sacred. I had started to gain weight. We had been under attack from management all the time. Goff hated us, and other DJs hated us because we were getting so popular. It got really depressing even though the show was doing great. We were both drowning our sorrows every day at Roy Rogers with bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and shakes. We both ballooned up. One day I got up in the morning to get ready to go to work and I couldn’t get my pants buttoned.

I walked into Howard’s studio and I said, “I can’t believe how fat I’m getting. I couldn’t get the top button on my pants done today”, and I showed him. I went back into my studio and we got back on air and he immediately said, “Guess what, everybody? Robin has gotten so fat she can’t button the top button!

I was horrified.

This is the worst thing you could do to a woman. He just got on the air and told all of Washington D.C that I was so fat I couldn’t button my pants. I couldn’t believe he had done that. He was so sweet and understanding just seconds before. I looked at him and gave him and he gave me one of those little-kid shrugs like, “I couldn’t help it”.

***

Now you know the secret to unlimited content creation.

You’re welcome.

43. Understand the Power of Words.

“I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.” ~ George Carlin

A carpenter has his hammer.

A painter, his brush.

An accountant, his calculator.

And…

…a salesperson has their words.

That’s it.

That’s all a salesperson has (or needs) to perform their job – words!

“Words” are the salesperson’s tools of the trade.

I believe (and I’m dead right about this) words are the most powerful thing in the universe.

When they are used skillfully and with passion, there is nothing more powerful, influential, or impactful.

Now listen up:

The words you use and the way you deliver those words when communicating with your prospects and customers are key to evoking the right reactions.

If you are not constantly improving your word choice, and the way you deliver those words, then you, my friend, are like an old, stubborn carpenter who never renews or upgrades his tools.

Now, know this:

Words evoke feelings.

Allow me to give you a little example.

Read the following words and pay attention to how they make you feel, okay?

Here they are:  “You suck, and I hope you die of a horrible disease and then rot in hell forever!”

Now compare the above words to these words: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God bless you and your beautiful family.”

Notice the difference?

Words are anchors. (The example Dan gave was an ad that emphasized the quality of a heater mantle by saying it was made by Amish carpenters. The words “Amish carpenters” implies old-fashioned values, trustworthiness, and superior craftsmanship, doesn’t it?)

Look at the word: Walmart

What comes to mind? Perhaps what comes to mind is a braless, overweight mother who’s wearing “blood circulation cutting” blue jeans with a Guns and Roses T-shirt who’s pushing her trolly that has three snotty-nosed kids in it – along with frozen pizza and a ton of Hershey’s chocolate bars – who are fighting.

Now, look at this word: Rolex

What comes to mind? Perhaps what comes to mind is a successful businessman wearing an Armani suit, a Mercedes AMG, and nice restaurants.

Words Create Feeling

Now with emotional words:

56 juicy tax deductions most people are completely clueless about…that the rich feast on to legally keep staggering amounts of money from the IRS.

Feel the difference?

Listen, every industry has its own emotional words. In the dating industry, here are some emotional words that would grab the market’s attention and stir their emotions.

Check ’em out:

Lonely, dateless, ugly, companion, lover, sex, embarrassed, desired, romance, humiliated, soul mate.

You should keep a list of emotionally loaded words for your industry and pepper them throughout your marketing material.

 BONUS:

Content Ideas For The Creatively Impaired

Now, to give context to the following content ideas, I will use the promotion of a physiotherapy service for all examples, ok?

I have chosen a physiotherapy service for no other reason than it’s what first popped into my mind. (I’ve been frequenting one lately)

Now, some goose is gonna read that and think, Aw, man, I’m not a physiotherapist, how are those examples gonna help me?

If that’s you… I guess they won’t help you. Look, I can help the uninformed, I can’t help the stupid.

The discerning amongst you will realize you can apply the principles taught therein to any product or service in any industry.

Onward.

Now, grab yourself a coffee or some type of beverage to perk up your (working) brain cells. I want you mentally alert for this one.

I’ll wait.

Alrighty, let’s rip in.

BTW, all the following (genius) content ideas will all be off the top of my head, okay?

If you think I told you that just to show off, then you are indeed perceptive.

Alright, enuff messin’ around.

Here’s the first content idea: “The Surprising Benefit”

If I was a physiotherapist, I would write a promotional email about sex. (This content idea is called: The surprise benefit, remember?)

Now, with a topic like sex, you can’t just come straight out and start talking about it, unless, of course, you are in the adult entertainment industry and you sell sex toys, for example. No, if you’re a respectable physiotherapist you will want to sneak up on the topic.

Something like this:

Subject line: (Warning: Adult Theme) The “surprising benefit” of remedial massage.

Dear subscribers,

As you saw in my subject line, this email does indeed contain an adult theme.

I’m sure you want to know what this is all about, so I’ll get straight to it.

Most people know that getting a remedial massage improves blood circulation, but few people know that improved blood circulation increases your immunity, and, even fewer people realize that improved circulation can dramatically boost one’s libido.

Now, before I continue, let me say this:

The last thing in the world I want to do is offend anyone.

Thus, I feel I should issue you one more warning:

If the subject of sex embarrasses you or if your religion teaches you that it is bad, or if you consider it offensive, then please stop reading right now because…

…The rest of this email is about sex!

However, if you feel that great sex is part of having an enjoyable and healthy lifestyle, please continue.

Okay, with that out of the way, I’ll continue.

It’s true, getting a remedial massage can really improve your sex life.

How so?

Simple.

Because sexual arousal depends greatly on proper blood flow, getting a remedial massage is one of the best ways to improve your sexual functioning and libido.

You know, I’ve heard too many horror stories of people taking dangerous medications to improve low libido. In many cases, it’s simply not necessary. I don’t know if there are any safe medications on the market, but here’s what I do know:

Getting a remedial massage is most definitely the safest way to increase one’s libido.

Well, anyway, I just wanted to share this little-known “surprising benefit” with you.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.

Another benefit of getting a remedial massage is that it simply puts you in a good mood.

You see, the deep massaging triggers a surge of endorphins into your bloodstream which instantly lifts your mood.

So, think about….

…with benefits like that, you truly won’t be able to wipe the grin off your face!

Peace.

Dr. John Handler

Alright, so that’s that one.

Now, here’s what I want you to do:

Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down at least 3 surprising benefits of your product or service.

And don’t be stubborn.

I mean really do grab a piece of paper and write down at least three surprising benefits of your product or service, ok?

Then what you do is, you write a promotional email based on each of those surprise benefits.

Now, the content idea for this next one is this:

Money.

I know, this one is very broad in scope, which I think is a good thing.

Now, the idea is simple: Talk about how your product or service can either help your subscribers make money or save money.

Or your intro could be an interesting fact about money (your theme, remember?) which you tie into whatever it is you’re selling.

For example,

Let’s say your email intro is an interesting fact about money such as the following:

“Pennies buried in a garden will repel slugs, which get electric shocks from touching copper and zinc.” 

What we do now is, we tie that interesting fact about money into something physiology related. 

Something like this:

Slugs may hate copper and zinc, but you know what?

The human musculoskeletal system loves them, and for good reason.

You see, a common cause of muscle injury is due to copper and zinc deficiency. This zinc and copper deficiency can be easily…yadda, yadda, yadda…

See how that works?

Good.

Here’s another content idea:

I call it the “outside your industry” email.

This is where you write about something totally unrelated to your field of endeavor and relate it back to your industry. For this example, I will talk about productivity. (Note: The example is selling a physiotherapy service, but look to see how you can apply this email idea to your unique situation, ok?)

Check it out, Chucky.

Subject line: The #1 killer of Productivity

Listen up:

Brian Tracy, Tim Ferris, and all the other productivity gurus all wax lyrical about the biggest productivity killers.

They all claim that the #1 biggest productivity killer is email!

Well, guess what?

They are ALL wrong!

That’s right, I, Dr. John (a physiotherapist) says, “Thee Nay!”

Before you scoff, and say, how can a physiotherapist so arrogantly discredit all those productivity experts, please hear me out.

Sure, email can be a big productivity killer, right alongside the following: Facebook, YouTube, cell phones/texting, and meetings.

However, these things pale in comparison to what I consider to be the numero uno productivity killer.

OK, so what do I consider to be the #1 killer of productivity?

This:

PAIN.

That’s right, I’m talking about physical pain.

Listen,

I don’t care how organized and focused you are; if when you sit down at your desk to work and a spear of white-hot pain shoots up your spine…

…You Ain’t Getting Any Work Done!

You know, not a single day goes by without me witnessing firsthand the havoc ‘pain’ wreaks on a person’s productivity.

On a daily basis, I hear patients say things like the following:

“Dr. John, I haven’t got any real work done since my neck started hurting. It feels like I’ve got a vice clamped around my neck.”

Or…”I can’t focus or concentrate with this pain.”

The struggle is definitely real.

Look, fighting off interruptions and distractions at work is one thing, fighting off physical pain in your body is another thing entirely.

And if your solution to physical pain is to scarf down pain-relief pills like they’re Skittles, I urge you to reconsider that course of action.

Not only is that option (pain medication) a band-aid solution, but it also carries with it many dangerous side effects which affect the brain and body.

What you want to do is get to the REAL source of the pain.

Once the source of the pain has been identified the REAL solution can begin.

You know, sometimes people put up with headaches, and aches and pains for so long they almost accept the pain as being normal.

But here’s the thing:

All productivity comes down to being able to have a single focus on the task at hand. And if you’re putting up with a distracting pain or ache, whether you realize it or not, you are sabotaging your own productivity.

Let me finish this email with this:

There’s nothing more conducive to productivity than…

…A Pain-Free Body!

Here’s to a pain-free life!

Peace.

Dr. John Handler

Geez, for an example, that was a darn good email, dontcha think?

I’m glad you agree.

Now, hear this:

Most of my subscribers will read this email and think, “Oh goodie, an outside-your-industry type email, I must try that one sometime.”

But if you are one of my more discerning readers, you’ll see the real value and depth of application in that example.

And that being this:

The art of taking something totally unrelated and tying it to whatever it is you’re promoting.

You see, if you can learn to do that, you will never run out of content ideas.

Yes, my friend, mastering the art of connecting two seemingly unrelated things will give you the master key to creativity. It will open up to you a world of unlimited ideas and possibilities.

Listen:all these content ideas are to spark ideas in your own noodle.

For example, you could write an email about any funny thing that happens in your industry. You could write about funny things you observe people doing in your line of work, or funny things your customers or prospects do or say? What are some funny things you have done? Write about that.

Here’s an example:

Subject line: Funny things my patients say

There’s a question I often get asked.

It goes something like this:

Hey John, what do you do to de-stress after work? Dealing with all those people in pain all day, you must get fairly tense, huh?

Here’s what I tell them:

“Are you kiddin’? I’m laughin’ my gluteus maximus off half the day. You should hear some of the things my patients say.”

Well, guess what?

I thought it would be fun to share some of those with you.

So, I will.

The following are actual comments made by my patients.

Check ’em out:

• “I’m having an autopsy (biopsy) later today.”

   

• “I didn’t fall, it was more a controlled landing.”

   

• When asked: What seems to be the problem? “I have a pain in my groin, plus I think I have an STD.”

   

• When asked to rate the pain out of 10: “About 20.”

   

• When asked to describe the pain: “It’s like a zombie with no teeth is gnawing at the back of my head.”

   

And now for my favorite:

• “Whatever you do, please don’t touch me.” (they were serious, too)

Ah yes, never a dull moment.

Now, I’ll share one last story before I go.

One patient last week who had severe back pain, due to him being extremely overweight, said to me:

“Dr. John, the problem is that obesity runs in our family.”

I replied: “No, the problem is that no one runs in your family.”

You likey?

Don’t worry, that last story was just a joke.

Well anyway, I hope this email brought a smile to your face.

And remember, we only get one body, so look after it.

Or…I guess you can always live recklessly and book more sessions with me!

I recommend the former.

Dr. John Handler

***

Awrite…

we’re done here.