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Why I Took a Singing Lesson

 

Dear subscriber,

I have a great singing voice…

… it just comes out little rough.

Something weird happens between my trachea and esophagus that causes my pitch to go way off. I’m talking so far off the pitch that not even the world’s most sophisticated auto-tune could help.

In simpler words…

… I Can’t Sing Worth a Damn!

Ya know, I don’t even sing around the house. Why? Because I’m a considerate human being, that’s why. Hell, if I can’t even handle hearing my cacophonous caterwaulings, why would I put someone else through that?

Listen, if you can’t sing, the best thing for you (and everyone else), is for you to keep your gawd-awful voice to yourself, okay?

Now, lemme explain why I’m prattling on about singing.

Recently, I’ve been receiving a lot of emails from subscribers wanting to know how I come up with my humorous similes, metaphors, and analogies. (I still don’t really know the difference between them)

I have a few things to say about this.

Thing #1

If you’re not an inner circle member, then, unless you catch me on a good day, I will pretty much ignore your email. One perk of being an inner circle member is you will get access to my intellectual property. In other words, your questions will get answered.

Thing #2

The ability to come up with good analogies, metaphors and similes is like the ability to sing – you either have it or you don’t.

That said, if you have the creativity of a piece of wood, there’s no reason why you can’t get a little better at coming up with clever metaphors and similes or humorous sayings. As atrocious as my singing voice is, if I took some lesson from a professional singing teacher, I could go from a 2 (out of 10) to maybe a 4, or if I worked hard enough, perhaps a 5. But I will never be a good singer.

Too bad, so sad.

Well anyway, I believe it’s the same for creativity. I can help you level up somewhat, but if you’re not naturally creative, it will most likely always be a struggle for you.

On that cheery note, let me wrap this up.

If you want to know my secrets to coming up with engaging analogies, metaphors, jokes, and similes… then you’ll dig pages 57-83 from my Email Playbook. In this section, I give you a step-by-step guide to do just that.

You see, after many years of studying the world’s best comedians, TV sitcom writers, movie screenwriters, and satirists, I realized something:

There is a pattern, a template, a technique for coming up with analogies, metaphors, and jokes.

Well, all those templates are tucked inside my Email Playbook. If you’re interested, you can check it out here: https://kelvindorsey.com/email-mavericks-playbook/

 

Your friend,

Kelvin

Email Marketing maverick

P.S. I once had a singing lesson and the teacher said, “Kelvin, perhaps singing isn’t for you.” True story. At the time (circa 2001) I was the house drummer for a musical called the Buddy Holly show. I was also the understudy for the guy who played Jerry Allison – Buddy’s drummer. That’s why I had the singing lesson – and that’s also why they ended up getting someone else to be the understudy.

You know, show business can be about as cruel as…uh, you know… something that’s really cruel.

Hey! So sometimes I can’t come up with a clever simile – what’s it to ya?

Hey, Kelvin, do you have any copywriting products?

Aha…I thought you’d never ask.

I sure do.

However, they are very expensive, and if you’ve just stumbled onto my website and don’t know me from a can of paint, you’d be nuts to buy any of my products. After all, I could be a complete copywriting novice dressed up in guru clothing. Hell, the internet has no shortage of those.

Listen: I believe you should put someone’s content to the test before shelling out your hard earned. Know this: I want to help you drag in more sales for your business before you even think about giving me a single penny. 

And that, dear website visitor, is why all my new subscribers get the following two perks:

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #1 - The 10-Minute Copywritng Speed Course

Fast-track your way to writing persuasive sales copy. I’m talking about copy that stomps on peoples’ greed glands while sounding credible and believable. Not easy to do. That’s why I created the 10-minute copywriting speed course. (You’re welcome)

I don’t care if you’re a sniveling beginner or a grizzled veteran, this will help you write copy that opens both minds and wallets!

FACT: most people suck at writing promotional emails...

And yet… people still seem to make email marketing profitable – lame email copy and all.

Even the most clueless of business owners who add email to their marketing arsenal will see an increase in business.

Email, dear website visitor, is a very forgiving marketing medium. And therein lies a golden opportunity. If you learn just a little email copy (as opposed to normal copywriting – yes…there’s a difference), you can truly work wonders with email marketing. Look, I could wax lyrical about email copy all day long, but let me get straight to the point:

Email and sales go together like drunk and disorderly, and…I want to prove to you how easy it is to write emails people love to read and buy from. The notion that you need to be well versed in direct response marketing and be a certified copywriting pro is just beautiful nonsense. Not saying that won’t help… of course it’d help. What I am saying is that email is a very different animal, thus, you can get away with not possessing a lick of copywriting knowledge. If you’re serious about boosting your business’s sales, you’re gonna love perk #2 …

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #2 - The Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet

Don’t let their simplicity fool you. These 17 email “types” are shockingly effective for selling products and services.

“Serious business owners and marketers need only subscribe”

NOTE: The 10-Minute Copywritng Speed Course and The Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet will be delivered to your inbox immediately upon signing up.