Dear subscriber,
I have a great singing voice…
… it just comes out little rough.
Something weird happens between my trachea and esophagus that causes my pitch to go way off. I’m talking so far off the pitch that not even the world’s most sophisticated auto-tune could help.
In simpler words…
… I Can’t Sing Worth a Damn!
Ya know, I don’t even sing around the house. Why? Because I’m a considerate human being, that’s why. Hell, if I can’t even handle hearing my cacophonous caterwaulings, why would I put someone else through that?
Listen, if you can’t sing, the best thing for you (and everyone else), is for you to keep your gawd-awful voice to yourself, okay?
Now, lemme explain why I’m prattling on about singing.
Recently, I’ve been receiving a lot of emails from subscribers wanting to know how I come up with my humorous similes, metaphors, and analogies. (I still don’t really know the difference between them)
I have a few things to say about this.
Thing #1
If you’re not an inner circle member, then, unless you catch me on a good day, I will pretty much ignore your email. One perk of being an inner circle member is you will get access to my intellectual property. In other words, your questions will get answered.
Thing #2
The ability to come up with good analogies, metaphors and similes is like the ability to sing – you either have it or you don’t.
That said, if you have the creativity of a piece of wood, there’s no reason why you can’t get a little better at coming up with clever metaphors and similes or humorous sayings. As atrocious as my singing voice is, if I took some lesson from a professional singing teacher, I could go from a 2 (out of 10) to maybe a 4, or if I worked hard enough, perhaps a 5. But I will never be a good singer.
Too bad, so sad.
Well anyway, I believe it’s the same for creativity. I can help you level up somewhat, but if you’re not naturally creative, it will most likely always be a struggle for you.
On that cheery note, let me wrap this up.
If you want to know my secrets to coming up with engaging analogies, metaphors, jokes, and similes… then you’ll dig pages 57-83 from my Email Playbook. In this section, I give you a step-by-step guide to do just that.
You see, after many years of studying the world’s best comedians, TV sitcom writers, movie screenwriters, and satirists, I realized something:
There is a pattern, a template, a technique for coming up with analogies, metaphors, and jokes.
Well, all those templates are tucked inside my Email Playbook. If you’re interested, you can check it out here: https://kelvindorsey.com/email-mavericks-playbook/
Your friend,
Kelvin
Email Marketing maverick
P.S. I once had a singing lesson and the teacher said, “Kelvin, perhaps singing isn’t for you.” True story. At the time (circa 2001) I was the house drummer for a musical called the Buddy Holly show. I was also the understudy for the guy who played Jerry Allison – Buddy’s drummer. That’s why I had the singing lesson – and that’s also why they ended up getting someone else to be the understudy.
You know, show business can be about as cruel as…uh, you know… something that’s really cruel.
Hey! So sometimes I can’t come up with a clever simile – what’s it to ya?