Dear subscriber,
Believe it or not… the following Google search queries are real, and even more surprising, they are popular.
Check these out:
How long should I freeze my credit card in the freezer?
Why do men like boobs so much?
How to boil water (8,100 searches per month)
Do fish get thirsty?
Why do I get cold when it’s cold outside?
***
How bout them, huh?
You can feel your IQ dropping while reading them, can’t you?
By the way, the article I got those searches from had one search query that should not have been on that list.
It should not have been on that list because it was a valid question. I dare say it was even a GREAT question.
Here is that unfairly judged search query:
Why are there no B-size batteries?
C’mon, admit it… that’s a darn good question! I mean, it shouldn’t keep you up at night, but it certainly piqued my curiosity. Well anyway, I did a little Google search on the matter and found this:
The absence of the B battery size on the market is simply because those sizes never truly got attention commercially, so they stopped making them.
What did people have against the B-size battery, you ask?
I dunno!
That’s like asking why is Meghan Markle an egotistical, self-entitled little brat –
Who Knows?
Look, I’m sorry. I’m just rambling on about nonsense. Perhaps I should move on to something that can actually help you, huh?
Let’s do that. Let’s see if I can help YOU.
It’s a big ask, but I like a challenge.
Now, as I was saying, reading those idiotic questions can make you feel like you’re losing brain cells. Well, I have a similar feeling when I read (or listen) to most online content today. Except, instead of losing IQ points, I feel like my sense of humor is…
… Getting Sucked From
My Soul!
The complete absence of humor in most online content astounds me.
Now hear me out:
I’m not saying your content must be knee-slapping funny, but is adding just a smidgen of humor or lightheartedness too much to ask?
It seems it is.
Most content today is about as funny as a barrel of bile.
Now, this, dear subscriber, is where I need to knock some of your excuses on the head.
I’ve heard them all before: “But, Kelvin, my audience is sophisticated professionals, I can’t make jokes and clown around!
Look, I get it, you want to be taken seriously, and you don’t want to come across as “unprofessional”. So, you deliver your content in a “professional manner”
Translation: you deliver your content in a way that is vapid, vanilla, and dull.
Well, you can either think creating content that way is profitable… or I can take you seriously, but it can’t be both.
Oh, and there’s this excuse:
“Kelvin, maybe you can get away with being humorous, but my audience is suffering from various illnesses, sometimes ones that are life-threatening.”
Once again, I understand. I really do. You don’t want to be tactless or come across as someone who isn’t kind and caring. The last thing you want to do is offend your audience, right?
That’s fine. But let me put this to you:
Have you ever stopped to think that the people who are suffering the most need to laugh the most?
Just food for thought, my kind and caring subscriber.
OK. For those who feel like I’m preaching to the choir here, you may be interested in the August issue. Half of this issue is on humor. Not just the theory either. Nope. In this issue, we get down n dirty. I show you exactly how I come up with my turns of phrases, jokes, and analogies.
Want to know how to grab this issue and others like it?
Then take a gander at this: https://kelvindorsey.com/mavericks-inner-circle/
Your friend,
Kelvin
Email Marketing Maverick
