Free Access to Kelvin’s Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet and 10 Minute Copy Speed Course

Show Us Your Wits

Dear subscriber,

Believe it or not… the following Google search queries are real, and even more surprising, they are popular.

Check these out:

How long should I freeze my credit card in the freezer?

Why do men like boobs so much?

How to boil water (8,100 searches per month)

Do fish get thirsty?

Why do I get cold when it’s cold outside?

***

How bout them, huh?

You can feel your IQ dropping while reading them, can’t you?

By the way, the article I got those searches from had one search query that should not have been on that list.

It should not have been on that list because it was a valid question. I dare say it was even a GREAT question.

Here is that unfairly judged search query:

Why are there no B-size batteries?

C’mon, admit it… that’s a darn good question! I mean, it shouldn’t keep you up at night, but it certainly piqued my curiosity. Well anyway, I did a little Google search on the matter and found this:

The absence of the B battery size on the market is simply because those sizes never truly got attention commercially, so they stopped making them.

What did people have against the B-size battery, you ask?

I dunno!

That’s like asking why is Meghan Markle an egotistical, self-entitled little brat –

Who Knows?

Look, I’m sorry. I’m just rambling on about nonsense. Perhaps I should move on to something that can actually help you, huh?

Let’s do that. Let’s see if I can help YOU.

It’s a big ask, but I like a challenge.

Now, as I was saying, reading those idiotic questions can make you feel like you’re losing brain cells. Well, I have a similar feeling when I read (or listen) to most online content today. Except, instead of losing IQ points, I feel like my sense of humor is…

… Getting Sucked From
My Soul!

The complete absence of humor in most online content astounds me.

Now hear me out:

I’m not saying your content must be knee-slapping funny, but is adding just a smidgen of humor or lightheartedness too much to ask?

It seems it is.

Most content today is about as funny as a barrel of bile.

Now, this, dear subscriber, is where I need to knock some of your excuses on the head.

I’ve heard them all before: “But, Kelvin, my audience is sophisticated professionals, I can’t make jokes and clown around!

Look, I get it, you want to be taken seriously, and you don’t want to come across as “unprofessional”. So, you deliver your content in a “professional manner”

Translation: you deliver your content in a way that is vapid, vanilla, and dull.

Well, you can either think creating content that way is profitable… or I can take you seriously, but it can’t be both.

Oh, and there’s this excuse:

“Kelvin, maybe you can get away with being humorous, but my audience is suffering from various illnesses, sometimes ones that are life-threatening.”

Once again, I understand. I really do. You don’t want to be tactless or come across as someone who isn’t kind and caring. The last thing you want to do is offend your audience, right?

That’s fine. But let me put this to you:

Have you ever stopped to think that the people who are suffering the most need to laugh the most?

Just food for thought, my kind and caring subscriber.

OK. For those who feel like I’m preaching to the choir here, you may be interested in the August issue. Half of this issue is on humor. Not just the theory either. Nope. In this issue, we get down n dirty. I show you exactly how I come up with my turns of phrases, jokes, and analogies.

Want to know how to grab this issue and others like it?

Then take a gander at this: https://kelvindorsey.com/mavericks-inner-circle/

Your friend,

Kelvin

Email Marketing Maverick

Hey, Kelvin, do you have any copywriting products?

Aha…I thought you’d never ask.

I sure do.

However, they are very expensive, and if you’ve just stumbled onto my website and don’t know me from a can of paint, you’d be nuts to buy any of my products. After all, I could be a complete copywriting novice dressed up in guru clothing. Hell, the internet has no shortage of those.

Listen: I believe you should put someone’s content to the test before shelling out your hard earned. Know this: I want to help you drag in more sales for your business before you even think about giving me a single penny.

And that, dear website visitor, is why all my new subscribers get the following two perks:

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #1 - The 10-Minute Copywritng Speed Course

Fast-track your way to writing persuasive sales copy. I’m talking about copy that stomps on peoples’ greed glands while sounding credible and believable. Not easy to do. That’s why I created the 10-minute copywriting speed course. (You’re welcome)

I don’t care if you’re a sniveling beginner or a grizzled veteran, this will help you write copy that opens both minds and wallets!

FACT: most people suck at writing promotional emails...

And yet… people still seem to make email marketing profitable – lame email copy and all.

Even the most clueless of business owners who add email to their marketing arsenal will see an increase in business.

Email, dear website visitor, is a very forgiving marketing medium. And therein lies a golden opportunity. If you learn just a little email copy (as opposed to normal copywriting – yes…there’s a difference), you can truly work wonders with email marketing. Look, I could wax lyrical about email copy all day long, but let me get straight to the point:

Email and sales go together like drunk and disorderly, and…I want to prove to you how easy it is to write emails people love to read and buy from. The notion that you need to be well versed in direct response marketing and be a certified copywriting pro is just beautiful nonsense. Not saying that won’t help… of course it’d help. What I am saying is that email is a very different animal, thus, you can get away with not possessing a lick of copywriting knowledge. If you’re serious about boosting your business’s sales, you’re gonna love perk #2 …

NEW SUBSCRIBER PERK #2 - The Ultimate Email Cheat-Sheet

Don’t let their simplicity fool you. These 17 email “types” are shockingly effective for selling products and services.

"Kelvin has always given outstanding ways of improving your email marketing responses with proven mind blowing tips and secrets."

"Kelvin cuts through the crap. What he teaches just makes sense."

"This Maverick guy is oh so different. Kinda crazy in a delightful (and profitable) way! He is the one Goo-Ruu who really gets it . . . when it comes to the psychology of sales, he routinely hits it out of the park ! I use his insights in my retail sales job, which has surprisingly elevated me to making Honda’s "Counsel of Sales Leaders" two years in a row !

"Kevin offers great tips and advice... I have truly enjoyed his book and emails... it has helped me tremendously..."

"Kelvin Dorsey is the REAL DEAL."

"Get ready for some "Ah Ha" moments all throughout Kelvin's writings."

"Daily gems kept me interested and reinforced some things that needed reinforcing."

"Best money I’ve invested in my business online in 10 years."

"Kelvin Dorsey is crazy. That’s why I like him."

"Kelvin is the real deal. If you want to learn about copywriting and building a business that draws your ideal person to you, then you need to read his stuff."

"The way Kelvin writes his content, you will be literally laughing out loud!"

"If I can learn to write half this good I'll be eating shrimp from the Barbie every night!!!"

"His stories are very effective."

"Kelvin reveals all of the tricks and "secrets" of the salesman's trade without resorting to dishonesty."

"Great example of what a good marketer does best, sell himself. Hip and a little crude but entertaining information."

"Kelvin knows what he is talking about. His content has helped me sharpen my copywriting skills, email marketing skills, and speaking skills. Yes, speaking skills!"

"You will learn a lot."

"Kelvin provides extraordinary insight into successful online marketing."