Dear subscriber,
Let’s talk about trolls.
No, not those mythical creatures from Nordic folklore.
What do you think I am – some type of nerd?
No! I’m talking about internet trolls.
But first, a quick internet history lesson.
When the internet was just a baby, it was all kittens and rainbows. People shared recipes, and we argued about whether pineapple belongs on pizza, you know… the good old days.
Then… enter the internet troll.
At first, they were shit-stirrers, blatantly poking fun at the serious stuff. But, as the web evolved, so did they. They turned into these digital ninjas, stealthily dropping snark bombs on unsuspecting threads.
Yep, forums are their playground, and getting people to react is their game.
Now, most people hate internet trolls and believe them to be lower than pond scum.
Not I.
I have a soft spot for them.
Now listen:
if you’re a writer, salesperson, copywriter or marketer, there are a few things you can learn from a good internet troll. I’ll get to that in a moment, but first, below is an example of an internet troll at the very top of his game. He’s also got an ingenious strategy.
What he does is, he makes accounts under the name: Customer Support.
So, for example, if you’re on the McDonald’s page, someone would post a complaint, and this troll’s fake account would change his icon to the McDonald’s symbol and reply as “customer support”.
Here’s some of this troll’s handiwork:
Customer: This morning I ordered some porridge from the drive through then I was asked to park in bay parking. Took 5 mins to arrive making me late for work and when I opened it it was lukewarm. How hard is it to have porridge ready in a morning?
“Customer support” (troll): How hard is it to get your Goldilocks ass up a bit earlier in the morning?
Customer: I’m actually speechless.
Customer support/troll: I wish you were.
Here’s another:
Customer: Would just like to give a big thank you to Susie who served us a TGI Fridays, Cornerhouse Nottingham last night. She couldn’t do enough for us and was excellent with the kids. She deserves a big pat on the back. The Jack Daniels sauce was also as delicious as ever.
Customer support/troll: I’m afraid we had to let Susie go. We caught her shitting in the JD sauce! Can you believe it? If she shows up to her disciplinary, we’ll be sure to pass it on. Thanks for your feedback and we hope to see you again soon.
***
Okay, Freckles, here are a few things we can learn from a seasoned internet troll.
(1) A good internet troll is first and foremost trolling for his own amusement. This reminds me of something the late Stan Lee said. He said this: “I’m probably my own biggest fan. I tell other writers who ask for advice that they must write to please themselves.”
That’s always been my approach too.
The first half of my emails are pretty much just to amuse me. The other half – yes, Sweetcakes, they are for you! The point is this: If you’re having fun writing, chances are your readers will have fun reading it. Writing can be the most tedious activity on the planet …. IF… you let it.
I just refuse to let it be boring.
You can make even the most boring activities fun with the right attitude.
The only difference between a street sweeper who whistles while he works and a street sweeper who does it with a face that could curdle milk is…
… Their Attitude!
Hear me:
If you can’t amuse yourself, you’ll struggle to amuse others.
(2) A good internet troll knows how to get others to react. Yup, they act while others react. And that brings me to this truth:
Those who react are always at the mercy of those who act.
In persuasion, you want to be the one setting the frame, the tone, and the terms of conditions. A good troll is masterful at this. They play people like violins. With every keystroke, they pluck the strings of emotions, leaving others entangled in their masterful composition. Sure, they only want you to react in anger, but it’s a reaction nonetheless.
In the marketing and sales world, we’re in the same game: getting folks to react!
Our objective is to get prospects to react to our pitches with confidence and desire. You gotta finesse it, and make it look as easy as a seasoned troll luring others into taking the bait and firing back.
Ya follow?
Good.
Let’s bottom line all of this.
Verily, a troll who can’t get people to react (get pissed awf) is a lousy troll.
Likewise, a copywriter/salesperson who can’t get prospects to react (buy!) is a lousy salesperson.
OK.
Let’s get down to business.
If you suspect your marketing and sales messages are making it far too easy for your prospects to ignore you, then you might wanna check out this: https://kelvindorsey.com/24-laws-sales-page-2/
Your friend,
Kelvin
Email Marketing Maverick
